well.. i am back

[transomwhiplass]

heh.. vacation sucked.. but it was probably my fault.. usually is... I don't know.. I checked all my email... 98% crap.. got one mail from Jenfu.. and one from Emma.... the only smiles I got all day.. I am not going to go in to detail on my vacation... mostly because I can't remember... my memory is turning to shit.. talk about early alzheimers... the vacation was bad and sarah feels bad.. I have never felt more unloved by everyone in my life... I am not sure why.. maybe its my "genetic depression" setting it.. about time ::rolls eyes:: my family has been waiting for it.. I am just a time bomb for them.... and I hate when they jump when they assume I am going off... so.. anyhow.. I read LJ.. as much as I could.. granted I skipped 90% of everything with more than 3 paragraphs... I guess that makes me bad and uncaring... pphff.... lets see... sarah is bad.. that seems to be the general consensus.. right now I feel my only good thing I have done is read several books on vacation, la-dee-fricken-da... my house is so goddamn hot.. air off for 2 weeks... the pool looks like a swamp... again... my parents spent GOD knows how much on this trip o' hell... and me, o' so selfish can only think of how this will take out of my possibility for gain of personal motor vehicle.. while I play beat the calander to take a puny 2 lessons... its looking grim.... yet well I dont know what I do... I just get bitchy, eh.... ha..... well yay sarah.. welcome back..... we are souuuuuuu glad to have the ranting brat back..... heh.... i know you are... vacations give you a lot of time to think.. make assumptions.. hallucinate.... pretend... about everything... I found myself brewing up wild schemes of what was happening at home.. THEN taking that state of mind and elaborating.. I made my own fairy book of what was happening at houston without me... typical me behavior.. what resulted... animosity for many undeserving people (well.. call it animosity untill proven innocent) I am looking forward to/not look forward to upcoming school year in many rings.... my own circles of hell.. school.. it will be interesting for oh-so-little weeks and then I will be rendered so bored... I will take up my sleeping patterns and panic.. ::spooky noises:: oh how I can read the future so.... how will the social circle of hell go? uhm... lets just say I am so not looking forward to that.. I am still stuck in my bubble of mindless bubbly bliss of freshman year with our tiny group where we always understood and never fought... but I guess I need to grasp the changes and embrace them.... don't take this the wrong way ANYONE.. seriously... its just.... the new 'excitements' as I will call it arent exactly pleasing to my nostalgic, custom keeping personality.... but hopefully.. stuff will work out for the better and I will prove to just be the typical paranoid schitzo-in-progress that I am coming out to be... I actually talk to myself..... and :) guess what... since I am evil.. and I wont take any blame for anything.. I am blaming everyone else... wheeeeeeeeee isnt it fun to know me............ lalalala..... sarah is a dork sarah is evil sarah is mean.... I don't know.. I am wondering how many friends I will have senior year... folks.... its not looking good.... every year we loose some.... that is saddening enough.... but others manage to migrate.. fade out of the picture.... get the permant glare from another member of the group... its horrible to watch.... but I am seeing my future as maybe 2-3.. and maybe niki... she is always so sweet.. but my new found evilness might scare her..uhm.. lets see.... yeah.. I think 3..... no names... but yeah.... i am looking forward to seeing steph-chan again.. I have been so bad.... so bad.. havent talked to her in a long time.. i am a horrible person..... heh.... ok... well I have stuff to do.... not... but I will pretend I do as usual.... whatever love I have left, all my sarcasim.... and some cheesy butterfly kisses, Sarah

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