Gastronomic Odysseys
Jul. 22nd, 2007 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassThe last few days have actually been quite delightful, I have to say. I feel a little goofy writing so much about this (I feel like it shows that I'm really bothered, but I'm more just intrigued) but this is really the last I have to say about the subject. I just want to post a little closure for my future reference.
I feel like since I've got here it's been an awkward tightrope walk of sorts, the urge to be myself and fit in forever tearing at each other. The sense of self that I've developed over the last few years has made me too confident and aware to sacrifice myself to "make" others like me. I've actually never had to since I got to college, being myself has actually brought me really far. Until I got to Rome. What has occurred can only be compared to high school all over again.
It's mostly a bunch of girls that never grew up and are still ridiculously insincere and insecure: kiss your face and stab you in the back. I could feel it penetrating me like a plague, a parasite that started sucking at my soul. It started leaking out in my own behavior into half-tortured identity-fest posts. I was worried about these people liking me. Not that I'm not usually pretty self-reflective, writing more probably just makes it more apparent to me. I mean, the thing that's torn me is knowing who I am and want to be yet feeling kind of ostracized. I didn't want to feel antisocial, but I wasn't getting let into the circles. I felt like I wasn't trying, but I was. I felt like it was irresponsible for me to be okay with being an outsider here.
Everyone at home encouraged me to "try harder" and told me it would "bet better." Being the ever optimist, I believed it. A week ago, Kelly was a wake up call. I realized I didn't want to be accepted by these people, I didn't want to be like them. It was unhealthy. I was worried about them talking behind my back if I didn't hang out with them until I realized that they bashed their own "friends" as soon as those girls left the room anyway.
The tip of the iceberg with the other girls was when Mickelle decided to start talking to me yesterday (the first conversation since she prematurely left our ECS II group in the most immature act I've seen since I got to college). She was apparently: "really excited with her roommates to take me out for my birthday!" Her sidekick, Jessie, then repeated the same sentiment in Trastevere asking me when my exact birthday was "so they could take me out and have so much fun!" I cannot think of something I would rather do less on my birthday than get "trashed" with a bunch of girls who don't even really like me, but see me as an excuse to get their drink on. I'm not going to be a rationale for their alcohol binge, the thought disgusts me. I've pretty much decided that maybe I'll sneak out with more desirable and earnest company to have a bottle of champagne in a cafe somewhere. A seedy bar in Venice is not how I'd want remember my birthday, surrounding by people that are older than me but act 5 years younger. It's antithetical to my character and that's something I've sacrificed enough to their claws.
So yes, I've lost all guilt in the situation. I came to Rome to progress, not regress into bad habits. It's been a Renaissance. Each week I feel better about myself. It makes me realize how much I've grown in college. I feel more grown up. This is why I came here, I finally feel at peace with everything. Good and bad. Finally, I've reached that next level of zen. It's tested every fiber and "sure" part of my being--even my last "zen" assertion that I reached Fall 2004.
Anyway, enough of that gobbly gook...
---
Since then, I've realized the thing I always realize, guys make better company. Working with Chris has been a godsend in that right because the drama factor has been eliminated. I've also been hanging with Pete a lot more. They've witnessed the shit go down in their apartment from the claws and hissing, war stricken victims I feel like we've kind wandered together lately. Last night, we had a lot of fun. We even got Carly to join us.
We went to this crazy bar that Chris read about in a guide, located in Trastevere, the offbeat neighborhood across the river. I had a drink called a "Cohiba"--vodka, creme de cacao, cinnamon, & tobacco (oddly). It was extremely strong, almost too much for my tastes (largely because I've pretty much abandoned hard alcohol). In small sips, it was tolerable: the warm flavor of coca finished with a slight sting of cinnamon on the lips. Carly and I shared a mojito after that. Then whilst wandering, Pete and I bought Peronis (the 66 cL beers that people drink like water).
Today he and I made delicious pilgrimage to Hard Rock Cafe and did they deliver.. omg. Even if my stomach hadn't shrunk in the last month, I could have never finished all the food. That burger was sent from God himself, the pope might as well have been fry cook. Pete has been really fun to hang out with. He read my mind on the hamburger buns and uttered the first sentence right before I delivered it: "It's like a g-string for an obese person." To which I added: Enough to cover what's necessary, but not what's appropriate. He made the following observation: Speedos and bikinis are a privilege, not a right. Like blasting loud music, only to be exercised if you have something good to share. Good times. It's been fun to hang out with people that are more with it and in tune to my sense of humor. It's definitely improved the situation tenfold even though it took a long time coming.
So anyway, largest burger I've ever had. Sad that I had to leave half a plate of food behind, but that meal was completely worth it for the satisfaction it gave me.
Anyway, two weeks left of studio. I'm sure it's going to be insane. Everyday, I think of new things I miss and will be grateful for at home. Yum! Bowls have been my craving of choice lately. I can't wait to drown myself in one when I get back to teh Eug.
---
Sidenote: Harry Potter was amazing. I bought it at a quiet bookstore off the Piazza Navona at 1 AM here (when it went on sale in Britain). I read until got significantly tired (I wasn't going to force myself through like usual, I wanted to savor every moment of that book). What was bizarre is I woke up after 5 hours, completely well rested and felt amazing. I've heard of that "sleep when you are tired, and wake in less time better rested" but that was the first time I really remember experiencing it, at least to that extreme. I finished the book still before I would have been able to buy it at home. I felt all the closure after 10 years of childhood that I could have asked for and I was extremely satisfied in the end. I probably paid twice what I would have at home, but it was well worth it in the end.
Anyway, I'm off to do other randomness. More on another day.
I feel like since I've got here it's been an awkward tightrope walk of sorts, the urge to be myself and fit in forever tearing at each other. The sense of self that I've developed over the last few years has made me too confident and aware to sacrifice myself to "make" others like me. I've actually never had to since I got to college, being myself has actually brought me really far. Until I got to Rome. What has occurred can only be compared to high school all over again.
It's mostly a bunch of girls that never grew up and are still ridiculously insincere and insecure: kiss your face and stab you in the back. I could feel it penetrating me like a plague, a parasite that started sucking at my soul. It started leaking out in my own behavior into half-tortured identity-fest posts. I was worried about these people liking me. Not that I'm not usually pretty self-reflective, writing more probably just makes it more apparent to me. I mean, the thing that's torn me is knowing who I am and want to be yet feeling kind of ostracized. I didn't want to feel antisocial, but I wasn't getting let into the circles. I felt like I wasn't trying, but I was. I felt like it was irresponsible for me to be okay with being an outsider here.
Everyone at home encouraged me to "try harder" and told me it would "bet better." Being the ever optimist, I believed it. A week ago, Kelly was a wake up call. I realized I didn't want to be accepted by these people, I didn't want to be like them. It was unhealthy. I was worried about them talking behind my back if I didn't hang out with them until I realized that they bashed their own "friends" as soon as those girls left the room anyway.
The tip of the iceberg with the other girls was when Mickelle decided to start talking to me yesterday (the first conversation since she prematurely left our ECS II group in the most immature act I've seen since I got to college). She was apparently: "really excited with her roommates to take me out for my birthday!" Her sidekick, Jessie, then repeated the same sentiment in Trastevere asking me when my exact birthday was "so they could take me out and have so much fun!" I cannot think of something I would rather do less on my birthday than get "trashed" with a bunch of girls who don't even really like me, but see me as an excuse to get their drink on. I'm not going to be a rationale for their alcohol binge, the thought disgusts me. I've pretty much decided that maybe I'll sneak out with more desirable and earnest company to have a bottle of champagne in a cafe somewhere. A seedy bar in Venice is not how I'd want remember my birthday, surrounding by people that are older than me but act 5 years younger. It's antithetical to my character and that's something I've sacrificed enough to their claws.
So yes, I've lost all guilt in the situation. I came to Rome to progress, not regress into bad habits. It's been a Renaissance. Each week I feel better about myself. It makes me realize how much I've grown in college. I feel more grown up. This is why I came here, I finally feel at peace with everything. Good and bad. Finally, I've reached that next level of zen. It's tested every fiber and "sure" part of my being--even my last "zen" assertion that I reached Fall 2004.
Anyway, enough of that gobbly gook...
---
Since then, I've realized the thing I always realize, guys make better company. Working with Chris has been a godsend in that right because the drama factor has been eliminated. I've also been hanging with Pete a lot more. They've witnessed the shit go down in their apartment from the claws and hissing, war stricken victims I feel like we've kind wandered together lately. Last night, we had a lot of fun. We even got Carly to join us.
We went to this crazy bar that Chris read about in a guide, located in Trastevere, the offbeat neighborhood across the river. I had a drink called a "Cohiba"--vodka, creme de cacao, cinnamon, & tobacco (oddly). It was extremely strong, almost too much for my tastes (largely because I've pretty much abandoned hard alcohol). In small sips, it was tolerable: the warm flavor of coca finished with a slight sting of cinnamon on the lips. Carly and I shared a mojito after that. Then whilst wandering, Pete and I bought Peronis (the 66 cL beers that people drink like water).
Today he and I made delicious pilgrimage to Hard Rock Cafe and did they deliver.. omg. Even if my stomach hadn't shrunk in the last month, I could have never finished all the food. That burger was sent from God himself, the pope might as well have been fry cook. Pete has been really fun to hang out with. He read my mind on the hamburger buns and uttered the first sentence right before I delivered it: "It's like a g-string for an obese person." To which I added: Enough to cover what's necessary, but not what's appropriate. He made the following observation: Speedos and bikinis are a privilege, not a right. Like blasting loud music, only to be exercised if you have something good to share. Good times. It's been fun to hang out with people that are more with it and in tune to my sense of humor. It's definitely improved the situation tenfold even though it took a long time coming.
So anyway, largest burger I've ever had. Sad that I had to leave half a plate of food behind, but that meal was completely worth it for the satisfaction it gave me.
Anyway, two weeks left of studio. I'm sure it's going to be insane. Everyday, I think of new things I miss and will be grateful for at home. Yum! Bowls have been my craving of choice lately. I can't wait to drown myself in one when I get back to teh Eug.
---
Sidenote: Harry Potter was amazing. I bought it at a quiet bookstore off the Piazza Navona at 1 AM here (when it went on sale in Britain). I read until got significantly tired (I wasn't going to force myself through like usual, I wanted to savor every moment of that book). What was bizarre is I woke up after 5 hours, completely well rested and felt amazing. I've heard of that "sleep when you are tired, and wake in less time better rested" but that was the first time I really remember experiencing it, at least to that extreme. I finished the book still before I would have been able to buy it at home. I felt all the closure after 10 years of childhood that I could have asked for and I was extremely satisfied in the end. I probably paid twice what I would have at home, but it was well worth it in the end.
Anyway, I'm off to do other randomness. More on another day.
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you crack me up
Date: 2007-07-22 07:10 pm (UTC)I'm in the process of reading HP right now (ch 21)... Oh my goodness..its so good. I feel a little guilty b/c I have a ton of homework this weekend, but I just have to know what's going to happen!!