High School
Aug. 4th, 2006 12:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplass"I think there is something I have to do when I get there. I'm supposed to go there. That might sound silly or frightening, but its (sic) what I feel."
I just spent the last half hour reading through a about two dozen old LJ posts from spring, senior year of high school. Reading anything before senior year seems to be an exercise in futility and self-loathing due to my sincere use of extra vowels for emphasis and a predisposition for ellipses over standard punctuation/paragraphs/thought closure. Anyway. It was so funny but I came across that quote from June-ish 2004 when I was just coming to terms with going to UO.
I read that post where I expressed this sense of shame at graduation for heading to Oregon instead of Rice (like 13-15 other girls from my class). The angst just secretes from every word, but it makes a good read. I don't know which part is better: the initial disappointment, the denial, the acceptance, the anger, the hesitation, the compromise, or the rationalization and reacceptance of my situation.
One of the most awful things I read that I posted privately (I mostly read those just to refresh myself on what I thought were my deep *dark* secrets in high school) was the day I decided I wouldn't be my own friend were I not myself. It was the most horrible, sincere thing I found. I don't remember not liking myself like that, but I was shocked to come across that. I think that if anything, it just makes being here and now in the life I'm making for myself all the more incredibly satisfying.
Anyway, it was a nice little escape and a perfect way to celebrate finishing the first/last/only season of "Freaks & Geeks" with Heidi. Maybe someday I'll sit down and just read the last five years of my life, but I for now, ho una esame in italiano domani.
I just spent the last half hour reading through a about two dozen old LJ posts from spring, senior year of high school. Reading anything before senior year seems to be an exercise in futility and self-loathing due to my sincere use of extra vowels for emphasis and a predisposition for ellipses over standard punctuation/paragraphs/thought closure. Anyway. It was so funny but I came across that quote from June-ish 2004 when I was just coming to terms with going to UO.
I read that post where I expressed this sense of shame at graduation for heading to Oregon instead of Rice (like 13-15 other girls from my class). The angst just secretes from every word, but it makes a good read. I don't know which part is better: the initial disappointment, the denial, the acceptance, the anger, the hesitation, the compromise, or the rationalization and reacceptance of my situation.
One of the most awful things I read that I posted privately (I mostly read those just to refresh myself on what I thought were my deep *dark* secrets in high school) was the day I decided I wouldn't be my own friend were I not myself. It was the most horrible, sincere thing I found. I don't remember not liking myself like that, but I was shocked to come across that. I think that if anything, it just makes being here and now in the life I'm making for myself all the more incredibly satisfying.
Anyway, it was a nice little escape and a perfect way to celebrate finishing the first/last/only season of "Freaks & Geeks" with Heidi. Maybe someday I'll sit down and just read the last five years of my life, but I for now, ho una esame in italiano domani.
