I feel so disappointed.

[transomwhiplass]

There's no other word for it, studio was long. From 8AM-12PM, it's a serious chunk of time.

We started in a lecture hall where all the instructors introduced themselves and what not before we broke into our sections. I wish they hadn't done that, seriously. What good came of exposing me to what I will be missing with another instructor? It was like an hour of personal prayer "please don't let me get so-and-so, please don't let me get so-and-so" or "please, I'd give my kidney to have him.. anything, let me be in his section."

Unfortunately, god must have a beef with me. That sucks to say. Last year I was so passionate in my "everything happens for a reason" and "everything will come up on top." For some reason, this term just feels so off. It's like walking down the stairs and thinking there is one more than there actually is and thus thunking your foot down very awkwardly and uncomfortably. I just can't get happy and excited. The outdoors depress me incredibly. Was it really this gray and "blah" last year?

Anyway, studio.

I have Demetrius Rodriguez. I'm sure he is a nice man but he was one of the two I was praying against. I wanted Nico the young guy from Argentina who went to Cornell for undergrad and Berkeley for his masters though he's traveled all over the world. I wanted the woman who went to Stanford and Yale and used words like sustainability and green in her little presentation. I got Demetrius.

Demetrius is 37 and bald. He looks about a decade older than he actually is which is in unfortunate. He seems utterly unsure and unfamiliar with the material - he was reading the syllabus, book list, and supplies for the first time. We did this one exercise that he led in a totally detatched way, everyone looked bored out of their minds. He did nothing to really excite us on the first day. The fact that I'm stuck with this man for 2 terms makes me upset enough to cry if I let myself really think about it.

I'm a huge believer in the fact that people's attitudes can make or break an experience. I was hoping this year to be surrounded by peers with similar interests and find a professor that would really challenge me. Based on today (4 hours, yee haw), I'm worried I'll be learning in spite of Demetrius, rather than from him (possibly ala the Beaz, though I hardly have the strong feelings of anger and bitter distaste for Demetrius - he's just unfortunate and not even worth the emotional exertion of dislike).

Who knows? Maybe I'm the fucked up one here - I'm being to cynical and jaded. I really, certainly hope so. I hope I'm wrong. I guess I just thought in my head, that today I would be grabbed by a feeling of "this is right" - the actualization I've been craving since I started this endeavor, that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I didn't get that today. However, I didn't get the "this is wrong" feeling either. I just got a very bad impression from the environment around me, ironic because that's pretty much what architecture is all about: reading the space and activities around a center.

Well, I'm absolutely starving. Somebody skipped breakfast like an idiot.

Comments

[john311.livejournal.com]

"Demetrius is 37 and bald." This made me laugh.

[ubermel.livejournal.com]

well... I had a professor on Game Theory, who's looks were absolutely like your Demetrius')) he was an unfriendly person but a good lector. I had 8 out of 10 for his subject!