mURR CATHARSIS!!

[transomwhiplass]

I feel like making a LiveJournal layout but I don't have any inspiration. It's been over a year since I designed a layout for anything. I sort of feel like all of these little pieces of my personality have kind of died from neglect in the last few months. I keep trying to think of what I've replaced them with and I suppose that is physically hanging around people and trying to take care of myself. Oh no, I feel a reflection coming on.

Eh, I'm going through a cliche week/month. I seem to have several types of off months. They used to prompt lots of whining and angst wridden LJness that I don't need to go through again. I think they seem to come in a cycle and are always set off by certain events that happen around me. So, for instance: finals week. It's a time of panic and huge tests of memory. Suddenly, I start doubting my entire memory as I'm struggling to remember stuff form the term and feeling like I can't remember anything. My overeaction just prompts even stronger groping for memories - anything, moments from my childhood, funny stories that I've forgotten, bad things that happened. Since I'm not reaching for anything particular, I come back with nothing. I have this panic that I have early onset alzheimers or amnesia. It's a big whoop-de-doo. I mean, I do have a shitty memory but through all of this panic, I eventually start to recall things from childhood and start to miss them.

So last week/month was "omg I don't remember" month, this week is "aw, I miss the good ol' days" month. UGH. fuck my predictability.

My special nostalgia activity right now is playing "The Incredible Machine 3" which I found online for mac. Godbless my powerbook for automatically switching to classic mode when convenient. So that's been a good waste of a few hours.

Today I sent Elizabeth home after she visited me for a day. It was good fun, we went to Cornucopia, made cookies, and saw a movie at the Bijou "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang." It was entertaining but parts of it were totally unsettling. Robert Downey Jr. does this whole narrator thing but he's conscious of his narrator-ness like "Oh wow, that was a shitty narrator's trick" "I bet you are thinking I should remember that later." It tries to be fake and reality at the same time. The plot is about trying to solve this murder in LA and throughout the characters are like "no, that won't work - that only works in the movies!" but then that is exactly what happens and it works. So yeah, I don't know how I feel about all of that postmodernist crap. I enjoyed it to the degree that I've been watching a lot of shitty movies lately just out of boredom and this was refreshing in that it actually made me feel an emotion afterwards and it still has me thinking. However, I don't particularly like that emotion so it's sort of a Catch-22. Did I like it? That's hard to say.

I sold some stuff at Buffalo Exchange today for the first time. They said the would sell 3/4 things I had which was cool. I suppose it was a little lame that I'm still stuck with this pink shirt from Gap that I've never worn because it's the most awkwardly constructed wrap top in the history of man. It was wrinkly though, which is why I think they wouldn't sell it. Blah. So I took $21 of store credit vs. $14 cash. That's not such a bad thing.. I mean, I wish I'd never spent money on clothes I never wore but that's a problem that plagues everyone to a certain degree.

I've been freaking out over this thing (ooh, being vague, that's a shitty blogging trick) for the last week. However, I'm choosing not to let it bother me anymore and I'm just going to run with it. I choose my emotions because I'm cool and in control like that (did I mention I'm a liar and have a high opinion of myself?) Wishful thinking is what my life is founded upon.

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[john311.livejournal.com]

The Decemberists signed to Capitol Records.