Like, omg, shitastic
Jun. 8th, 2005 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassWell, I certainly haven't posted in like.. forever.
I had my last final today. I wrote my essays with conviction and left feeling all dipshitty for giving my prof. such a bitchy review. The man was only trying to get us to think, for god's sake.. why did I have to resent him so much. I learned a lot, I read all except two articles. I got what I wanted - a challenge and another stab at philosophy. How could I rectify my actions with that nasty SIGNED review. He asked me, upon turning it in how I thought it went, I said ok to which he replied "good, I'm really glad, I wanted you to do well." The whole way through lunch and on my way back to the dorm I just thought about what a horrible, lazy, ungrateful modernist human slob I was.
Self-loathing could not last for long. I got back to the dorm - Elizabeth said my Barnhart room was ready and that my dad called. A glance on my cell phone informed me he had called 4 times. He left two identical messages: "sarah, this is your dad, call me on my cell phone ::says number like I don't have it memorized::"
My paranoia knew some shit was up. No calls or too many are always a bad sign.
I called my house at the same time they were calling me, it took like.. way too long to get them on the phone. Finally, my mom got through. It turns out my grandpa died last night in his sleep. It obviously hadn't hit my mom yet, she sounded strangely calm. My family was scrambling to make travel arrangements and were trying to figure out if they could get me out of Oregon to go to Ohio, like there was someway I would not figure it out and not come to be with them.
I talked to my boss who was totally understanding. I was already slated to take Saturday off, she is actually giving me two freebie paid days off. I'll be back on the 14th. However, since I leave Friday and won't have the weekend - it wouldn't leave much time to move, it would be now or never.
Elizabeth & my aunt helped me tremendously. I have so much crap it's ridiculous. I was running on pure adrenaline (I always get things done at the last minute, suddenly the last minute was now) but they were just running on sheer selflessness. My shoulders looking like I got scraped by a rabid cat - I guess the bags I was holding were so heavy, they like.. pinched me creating blood vessel explosions. Lovely, I know, but I wasn't even aware of them at the time. I just had to keep packing, hauling, hauling more.. hauling up, hauling down.
Finally, it's done. Tomorrow I just have to pack up my bed stuff and clean the floor here. I'll get my stuff for Ohio together tomorrow night from Barnhart.
After it was over, my head was throbbing, it felt like I hadn't eaten in days, and I felt like I could fall asleep while standing. I took Elizabeth out to celebrate moving all my garbage over pizza. I could hardly eat, it was so weird. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I want to be around people right now but I'm really in no state.
I'm upset, but ok. I at least get to see my family, under shitty circumstances, but it's still important to me. These last few weeks I've obviously not had enough to do. I've been feeling homesick and missing them even though I knew they would be coming up for the summer (I don't know how/if that will work out now, emergency last minute plane tickets are so expensive).
Right now I just wish I was anywhere but here. I can deal with these crisis, I can handle the stress - I got everything done from telling Kristy I wouldn't be able to help with flower sales to rescheduling my doctor's appointment. It's all going to be ok in the end, like always. There is always a silver lining.
I had my last final today. I wrote my essays with conviction and left feeling all dipshitty for giving my prof. such a bitchy review. The man was only trying to get us to think, for god's sake.. why did I have to resent him so much. I learned a lot, I read all except two articles. I got what I wanted - a challenge and another stab at philosophy. How could I rectify my actions with that nasty SIGNED review. He asked me, upon turning it in how I thought it went, I said ok to which he replied "good, I'm really glad, I wanted you to do well." The whole way through lunch and on my way back to the dorm I just thought about what a horrible, lazy, ungrateful modernist human slob I was.
Self-loathing could not last for long. I got back to the dorm - Elizabeth said my Barnhart room was ready and that my dad called. A glance on my cell phone informed me he had called 4 times. He left two identical messages: "sarah, this is your dad, call me on my cell phone ::says number like I don't have it memorized::"
My paranoia knew some shit was up. No calls or too many are always a bad sign.
I called my house at the same time they were calling me, it took like.. way too long to get them on the phone. Finally, my mom got through. It turns out my grandpa died last night in his sleep. It obviously hadn't hit my mom yet, she sounded strangely calm. My family was scrambling to make travel arrangements and were trying to figure out if they could get me out of Oregon to go to Ohio, like there was someway I would not figure it out and not come to be with them.
I talked to my boss who was totally understanding. I was already slated to take Saturday off, she is actually giving me two freebie paid days off. I'll be back on the 14th. However, since I leave Friday and won't have the weekend - it wouldn't leave much time to move, it would be now or never.
Elizabeth & my aunt helped me tremendously. I have so much crap it's ridiculous. I was running on pure adrenaline (I always get things done at the last minute, suddenly the last minute was now) but they were just running on sheer selflessness. My shoulders looking like I got scraped by a rabid cat - I guess the bags I was holding were so heavy, they like.. pinched me creating blood vessel explosions. Lovely, I know, but I wasn't even aware of them at the time. I just had to keep packing, hauling, hauling more.. hauling up, hauling down.
Finally, it's done. Tomorrow I just have to pack up my bed stuff and clean the floor here. I'll get my stuff for Ohio together tomorrow night from Barnhart.
After it was over, my head was throbbing, it felt like I hadn't eaten in days, and I felt like I could fall asleep while standing. I took Elizabeth out to celebrate moving all my garbage over pizza. I could hardly eat, it was so weird. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I want to be around people right now but I'm really in no state.
I'm upset, but ok. I at least get to see my family, under shitty circumstances, but it's still important to me. These last few weeks I've obviously not had enough to do. I've been feeling homesick and missing them even though I knew they would be coming up for the summer (I don't know how/if that will work out now, emergency last minute plane tickets are so expensive).
Right now I just wish I was anywhere but here. I can deal with these crisis, I can handle the stress - I got everything done from telling Kristy I wouldn't be able to help with flower sales to rescheduling my doctor's appointment. It's all going to be ok in the end, like always. There is always a silver lining.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-11 09:37 pm (UTC)I think I'm going to take the train from Santa Barbara to Eugene, which is like a 24 hour ride. I'm planning on reading the harry potter book during that time. I'll let you know the details later...