Endgame..

[transomwhiplass]

I guess Mr. Filardo wasn't kidding.. as big a joke I thought that book was when I first tried to read it.. now I see how it encompasses so many of my feelings... I am relating to all the characters and I am so tired I feeling pausing between all my phrases (lol)... life really is endgame.. its a stalemate.. you want something... but you can never reach it.. this year I have been conditioned by nature.. I can tell.. I no longer feel like trying.. I want the A.. but I don't try... I know I could get it.. and that has become good enough for me.... orchestra is like endgame.. I hate it.. I want to leave it so bad... but like a stubborn will to live, something keeps me there.. its so scary.. it really was an appropriate book to finish off the year... when will it be over... when will I get my painkiller.. it ends.. but then it isn't over.. the cycle goes on.. untill the much awaited final death.. its amazing.. this year the books I thought I would dread.. turned into my favorite ones.. those I thought I would like.. I ended up hating.. funny how the world turns..