half assed post

[transomwhiplass]

Yuck. I'm so... dead today.

Service day was not *particularly* thrilling, but what can I say. I thought seniors got first choice at where they wanted to go - no one knew about the agency, their purpose, their location, or or what we would be doing. It really shouldn't matter - it's service and benefitting someone. Yes, before you bitch about me being selfish.. I just wish there was more we could have done. We always get to the places and they don't know what to do with us. We do the tiny tasks that they think will take several hours in about half an hour.. then we just sit around.

Today we stuffed envelopes to invite VOLUNTEERS to their appreciation banquet. Wow. I'm really only bitter about the stupid surveys they always make us do. You HAVE to fill one out (because Holden is anal that way), you HAVE to put your name (cos' she checks) and you HAVE to fill it out all the way. They always have a dumb question - list three things you learned today. Wow. Golly, I left my brain at home.. its not like this manual labor requires anything. You can't learn anything stuffing envelopes.. you honestly can't. I got stuck with folding the paper inserts with Jaz. Then Ally who was stuffing our paper into the envelopes commented on how straight Jazmine's were, not without adding "oh... well not like you.. Sarah..you are..yeah.. ok." That isn't fair, mine are straight.. Ally of all people should know how anal O.C.D. I am about things requiring the minimal bit of aesthetic flair. Oh well, I will embrace my lack of talent for manual labor. Maybe I should give up now...

This isn't going anywhere. I took a nap on the couch earlier- it was lovely. I have two things on Friday - Philosophy paper & Calculus test, yummy. I'm not ready for either.

Here is a Double-Header for you guys:

Most pathetic moment in my day & daily Rice obsession:

We could not find the agency for the life of us. Kerch was driving the bus up and down Fannin - we went through the entire medical center back and forth like... 4 times when she asked "anyone sick of going up and down Fannin, because if you are... we have a wide selection of hospitals for you to choose from." Anyway to the point- the first time we went past Rice, I kind of stopped breathing and my eyes almost got watery.

There you go. I think I have a disease/obsession. I'm such a weenie. I'm constantly comparing myself to the large handful of girls that got accepted and the equally large handful that didn't. I know at least 2 people that had higher standardized test scores than me and got rejected. Yes.. I know that doesn't "mean much" but I know it says something. Nikki M. & I have near identical schedules, same challenging course load - she is in. But, she is also student body co-prez., absolutely delightful, & not trying to get into the arch. dept. Then you have your handful of perfect people that are just so fabulous that there is no question and I cannot compare myself. Not to try and tear myself down it's just April is a LONG way away. I have a month's worth of obsessing to do.

In a way I'm comforted by the presence of a solid second choice where I know I can be happy and I know I have family. Oregon has a high rated arch. school plus they offer all kinds of stuff that Texas just can't. Skiing. Oh yes. Anti-Dub-yah. Oh ho ho yes. I also do not want to settle. I don't want to just be somewhere and know I'm trying to transfer to my first choice. I'm worried I will either consciously/subconsciously use it as an excuse not to make friends and take studying serious. I don't want to waste a year. I want to start college ASAP. I don't want to be behind everyone I know.

Time for a new topic.

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I know I've been randomly moaning to people - "I feel so oooooooooold!!" I do. Not in an achy-painy kind of way but just this brink of adulthood scares the crap out of me. The fact that half the grade is "legal" is weird. The fact that I overhear some people talking about the "promise rings" from their boyfriends - questioning future engagements (ok, no one that I know is, but this one person who will remain unamed was talking about her ring and "worries" that it was more, she kept angsting "but this isn't the 50s!" so nothing like that yet). I just have to accept that .. it isn't that weird. A handful of people I know might get MARRIED in the next few years. Not a lot & probably none of my close friends but still.. its weird. People start families even. I think its weird .. but it isn't really. Granted, pretty much everyone will be going to college and majority aren't even ready to even consider marriage until after grad. school, lol.. academy women. Just the idea of it all makes me feel old. The other day, the fact that people who were teenagers when we were babies are now middle aged.. that is also strange. 20 isn't so far away, only two and half more years. I still feel like I was watching Power Rangers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles yesterday. I remember playing on the swings, my first week of school in Houston in 2nd grade. I guess since it is familiar, it seems closer than the shadowy future that lies ahead even closer than those memories. Its going by fast. I can count my life in weeks and I'm worried I've waste it somehow. There is always a sadness to moving past childhood I guess but it is my entire mindset. I feel old because I feel this dying. I can't be 10 forever. I know I have to kill this person eventually, I don't think the world will accept me skipping down the street in buisness clothes with a briefcase. I can't wear my hair stupid. I can't get away without makeup. It's just strange and its dawning on me.

Everything changes and I guess that is good.

Lalala... long post. Lalala ... long post.

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After graduation, I want to go on a trip. Seriously. I know Jennifer said we should go to what was it.. Montreal? I don't remember... she had some scheme. We really need to do something. Get a car, some gas money, a toothbrush, & a change of underwear and go. Anywhere but Galveston - it's just grungy, man. I vote for some place random. Hey, how about another poll. Oooh.. I will even use my awesome powers to do a fill in the blank.

[Poll #254449]

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Ok. So this was a long boring post and my poll sucked. I can't stuff an envelope. I just.. suck. I used the word "golly." I'm doomed.

Comments

[nikehness.livejournal.com]

Jenfu wanted to go to Vancouver for our graduation trip...don't ask me why.
I vote we go to NY so we can stalk the strokes...