![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassOk. This will be quick..
My trip was HORRIBLE. I wanted to like... die. I hate UT. UGH!
My advice to the future:
Do not get tangled in stupid teenage drama. Do not create stupid teenage drama. I thought that all the bullshit I got myself into was over. I thought it was over 5 times, at least. It continues to haunt me.
It's a small world for the drama queens and I want to relinquish my throne.
Fuckhead Him and Her were there. The regal couple. If she reads this, I really don't care. I'm done with this all.
He needs to grow up. She needs to realize that if she wants him to have a chance in this world, she needs to give him up. She also needs to stop talking about her pregnancy scares. He needs to stop smoking at John Mayer concerts where half of SAA is attending. SAA is a gossip mill, this all came out in 5 minutes during one open lab. This all came from people that barely know them.
I spent so much energy trying to dodge them in the last day and a half that I'm ready to sleep for a week. So much grief has been involved for both parties. I know to an extent, I brought this on myself. However, I was thinking about all of this during the long bus ride and came to the conclusion:
If she would have stuck to her word freshman year and joined orchestra, they would have hooked up then. I never would have wasted so much time. We *might* have still been friends. If she had been there, I never would have become friends with Analyn. I never would have backstabbed Analyn to talk to him. There would have been no drama. She would be my friend, she would be with him. She would have had him before Mabel and spared her the pain of a nasty breakup.
Sure this could have gone wrong so many ways but it seems absolutely plausible to me. Instead, it turned into a massacre of emotions. It's funny how life turns out.
I wish I never started talking to him. How I worked up the gumption to IM him is beyond me. Now it just reinforces my inclination to never make the first contact with people.
At the same time freshman year, I just wanted to be their friends. Before they even knew eachother. Eventually, they started ignoring me. I did so as well. Now, offhanded glances are exchanged and I'm paranoid every second I catch one and they turn to talk to eachother. Paranoid out of my mind. I thought it was over when he graduated. It will never be over. It will never stop torturing me. When I thought it ended last year, I saw him at Christmas concert. When I thought that had ended it, he showed up at Strake for orchestra. When I thought that had to be the end of it, Mr. Peri announced he would be our UT "tour guide." I almost barfed up a lung. I'm praying that this is it, this is the end of the drama.
My fate now skews two directions.
Bad luck and purgatory gets me shunned from Rice and every other school I might want to go to (knock on wood)... I see him everyday even though their are X-thousand people going there; irony is just that cruel to me. He might even formulate that I'm a stalker and I could become a social pariah. (Dude, seriously.. knock on wood)
or
This is it, I've paid my debt. (I almost wonder if God wants me to confront them and officialy end it and get closure - maybe that is why I get thrown into all of these situations.) I get into Rice and I never see them again. Not even in a wedding announcement or anything. It's just... gone. They're gone. This all becomes an unhappy memory that eventually just fades into the hazy background that is my life. I never have to remember it - not even for my memoirs. Just... done.
---
I had a sign today. I'm looking for anything. I was stressing and obsessing about this Rice admission when I got out of the shower. There in the newspaper basket was a a piece of the Houston social section - you know, wedding announcements, etc. There on the backpage, I'm pretty sure, was the girl I saw the first time I went throught the architecture school. She is an SAA grad and a current senior at Rice arch school. She even looks vaguely familiar. Turns out she was crowned like.. Mardi Gras queen for some ritzy social club. I don't know. Still. SAA grad.. Rice archie.
I don't care.. I'm so freaking desperate right now you have no idea.
---
I'm going to the Strokes concert. Again! Woo. It's so funny. The first time we went, Niki & I "liked" the Strokes. Though, neither of us owned their second album, knew any of their names, or any of the song titles except for "Last Nite." Now I can tell you like 500 random facts and spell all of their names backwards. I can tell you most of the song titles after listening to only the first 2-3 seconds of the song. We are obsessed. I'm making special t-shirts for the concert. I ordered laser printer iron-on transfer paper. It was REALLY hard to find. The thing about laser printers is that they get really hot and shoot the ink as a gas onto the paper. Most iron-on is for bubble/ink jets only because too much heat messes up the "heat-transfer", it can like.. melt in your printer. So... I had to go online and order it from an online quilting supplier store. So yeah. I'm super excited.
---
GOD. I can't write a short post to save my life. I didn't even go into a lot of details about my horrible trip. I have SO much crap to do.
Ok. I HAVE to do this stuff for school.
Yeah, so I'm miserable. What else is new?
My trip was HORRIBLE. I wanted to like... die. I hate UT. UGH!
My advice to the future:
Do not get tangled in stupid teenage drama. Do not create stupid teenage drama. I thought that all the bullshit I got myself into was over. I thought it was over 5 times, at least. It continues to haunt me.
It's a small world for the drama queens and I want to relinquish my throne.
Fuckhead Him and Her were there. The regal couple. If she reads this, I really don't care. I'm done with this all.
He needs to grow up. She needs to realize that if she wants him to have a chance in this world, she needs to give him up. She also needs to stop talking about her pregnancy scares. He needs to stop smoking at John Mayer concerts where half of SAA is attending. SAA is a gossip mill, this all came out in 5 minutes during one open lab. This all came from people that barely know them.
I spent so much energy trying to dodge them in the last day and a half that I'm ready to sleep for a week. So much grief has been involved for both parties. I know to an extent, I brought this on myself. However, I was thinking about all of this during the long bus ride and came to the conclusion:
If she would have stuck to her word freshman year and joined orchestra, they would have hooked up then. I never would have wasted so much time. We *might* have still been friends. If she had been there, I never would have become friends with Analyn. I never would have backstabbed Analyn to talk to him. There would have been no drama. She would be my friend, she would be with him. She would have had him before Mabel and spared her the pain of a nasty breakup.
Sure this could have gone wrong so many ways but it seems absolutely plausible to me. Instead, it turned into a massacre of emotions. It's funny how life turns out.
I wish I never started talking to him. How I worked up the gumption to IM him is beyond me. Now it just reinforces my inclination to never make the first contact with people.
At the same time freshman year, I just wanted to be their friends. Before they even knew eachother. Eventually, they started ignoring me. I did so as well. Now, offhanded glances are exchanged and I'm paranoid every second I catch one and they turn to talk to eachother. Paranoid out of my mind. I thought it was over when he graduated. It will never be over. It will never stop torturing me. When I thought it ended last year, I saw him at Christmas concert. When I thought that had ended it, he showed up at Strake for orchestra. When I thought that had to be the end of it, Mr. Peri announced he would be our UT "tour guide." I almost barfed up a lung. I'm praying that this is it, this is the end of the drama.
My fate now skews two directions.
Bad luck and purgatory gets me shunned from Rice and every other school I might want to go to (knock on wood)... I see him everyday even though their are X-thousand people going there; irony is just that cruel to me. He might even formulate that I'm a stalker and I could become a social pariah. (Dude, seriously.. knock on wood)
or
This is it, I've paid my debt. (I almost wonder if God wants me to confront them and officialy end it and get closure - maybe that is why I get thrown into all of these situations.) I get into Rice and I never see them again. Not even in a wedding announcement or anything. It's just... gone. They're gone. This all becomes an unhappy memory that eventually just fades into the hazy background that is my life. I never have to remember it - not even for my memoirs. Just... done.
---
I had a sign today. I'm looking for anything. I was stressing and obsessing about this Rice admission when I got out of the shower. There in the newspaper basket was a a piece of the Houston social section - you know, wedding announcements, etc. There on the backpage, I'm pretty sure, was the girl I saw the first time I went throught the architecture school. She is an SAA grad and a current senior at Rice arch school. She even looks vaguely familiar. Turns out she was crowned like.. Mardi Gras queen for some ritzy social club. I don't know. Still. SAA grad.. Rice archie.
I don't care.. I'm so freaking desperate right now you have no idea.
---
I'm going to the Strokes concert. Again! Woo. It's so funny. The first time we went, Niki & I "liked" the Strokes. Though, neither of us owned their second album, knew any of their names, or any of the song titles except for "Last Nite." Now I can tell you like 500 random facts and spell all of their names backwards. I can tell you most of the song titles after listening to only the first 2-3 seconds of the song. We are obsessed. I'm making special t-shirts for the concert. I ordered laser printer iron-on transfer paper. It was REALLY hard to find. The thing about laser printers is that they get really hot and shoot the ink as a gas onto the paper. Most iron-on is for bubble/ink jets only because too much heat messes up the "heat-transfer", it can like.. melt in your printer. So... I had to go online and order it from an online quilting supplier store. So yeah. I'm super excited.
---
GOD. I can't write a short post to save my life. I didn't even go into a lot of details about my horrible trip. I have SO much crap to do.
Ok. I HAVE to do this stuff for school.
Yeah, so I'm miserable. What else is new?
