The eye of the storm..
Dec. 22nd, 2003 11:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassUpdate on emotional crisises...crisis'..crisis... whatever:
- Mary - Calm for now. I really appreciated you words. I'm very satisfied that you have a very functional head on your shoulders. I was so worried because I thought you were drunk on silly fake romance, now I know that you are fully conscious and this is something more real that I thought. I'm glad for you. I'm sorry we had to go through this and you had to put up with me. I won't say I'm not worried at all, but definetly better. I completely trust you and I promised myself in the beginning and now you, I will never utter I told you so. I am completely sure that you know the extent of my feelings, there will never be a need for that awful phrase. I'm glad you know I will always be here for you, please don't doubt that even when I seem emotionally incapacitated.
- Alex - I don't care. That is pretty much what it comes down to. Not lacking care in the sense that his words & actions haven't affected me, basically.. I don't care about him right now. At all. I made a drastic action which I will probably regret. I've seen him with two faces in the last couple of years, two faces he has acknowledged. One where he was overemotional and he claims "too dependent on friends" and now an underemotional one where friends are now not very necessary, he can find happiness alone. I don't know what more to say, it is very odd for me to abandon someone when I think they are in their time of greatest need but for whatever reason, if he cares to find a "medium", he will learn from this. Alex, I'm taking your advice. I'm emotionally detaching myself from you, I will take my crazy intrusive ways and get out of your life. This is the only way to not get hurt, you say. You are right.. it doesn't hurt me. I don't need to be insulted and I don't know if your underemotional self cares even the slightest that you mean nothing to me now. All I can hope is that you will wake up and realize that this new personality doesn't work. I will say that I am sorry if we never talk again, but is a risk I'm willing to take in the spirit of aspiring to be like you and never get hurt again by someone I care about.
-----
I played Yahoo! Graffiti for a few hours with a Thai guy from HCC. I woke up at 2 today. Ugh. So wasted.
We played UNO like the old days and it reminded me a lot of things from my childhood. I remember that is all we did when I was a kid. All of my relatives in Chicago were old, even when I was a toddler - old. UNO is one of those things that a child can understand and an older adult can appreciate. I miss the UNO times in the kitchen with my great aunts and uncles as well as my Grandma's cousins. I miss my childhood - you could get away with things then. I remember one time I pulled out the cards when I was about 5 and arranged 5 hands very carefully such to that I had a hand of about 7 "Draw Two"s. I got caught of course but there was a good laugh.
We pulled out RISK also. I lost, more like.. surrendered. I kicked my dad's ass, he was a yellow menace to the board and did the job holding back my sister. Anthony defeated my Grandma and ended up taking over my dad and sister. He never attacked me once in the entire game. When it was finally down to just me and him, he was about to turn in cards for a whopping 85 armies. I figured why go through the pain.
----
I checked my SAT scores. I'm irritated. I did the best the first time I tried. While my first try wasn't too shoddy, it wasn't satisfactory in my mind. I have 20 minutes to register for the next one. I'm debating inside. Actually, it could already be over - I don't know what timezone the deadline is in. I think I will just take the February ACT and hope for the best.
My porfolio has gotten nowhere. I'm just uninspired. I finished the outer structure of the building for my college mail nativity scene and that is about it. Maybe I should stick to freehanding.
Photoshop calls to me with a siren's voice.
- Mary - Calm for now. I really appreciated you words. I'm very satisfied that you have a very functional head on your shoulders. I was so worried because I thought you were drunk on silly fake romance, now I know that you are fully conscious and this is something more real that I thought. I'm glad for you. I'm sorry we had to go through this and you had to put up with me. I won't say I'm not worried at all, but definetly better. I completely trust you and I promised myself in the beginning and now you, I will never utter I told you so. I am completely sure that you know the extent of my feelings, there will never be a need for that awful phrase. I'm glad you know I will always be here for you, please don't doubt that even when I seem emotionally incapacitated.
- Alex - I don't care. That is pretty much what it comes down to. Not lacking care in the sense that his words & actions haven't affected me, basically.. I don't care about him right now. At all. I made a drastic action which I will probably regret. I've seen him with two faces in the last couple of years, two faces he has acknowledged. One where he was overemotional and he claims "too dependent on friends" and now an underemotional one where friends are now not very necessary, he can find happiness alone. I don't know what more to say, it is very odd for me to abandon someone when I think they are in their time of greatest need but for whatever reason, if he cares to find a "medium", he will learn from this. Alex, I'm taking your advice. I'm emotionally detaching myself from you, I will take my crazy intrusive ways and get out of your life. This is the only way to not get hurt, you say. You are right.. it doesn't hurt me. I don't need to be insulted and I don't know if your underemotional self cares even the slightest that you mean nothing to me now. All I can hope is that you will wake up and realize that this new personality doesn't work. I will say that I am sorry if we never talk again, but is a risk I'm willing to take in the spirit of aspiring to be like you and never get hurt again by someone I care about.
-----
I played Yahoo! Graffiti for a few hours with a Thai guy from HCC. I woke up at 2 today. Ugh. So wasted.
We played UNO like the old days and it reminded me a lot of things from my childhood. I remember that is all we did when I was a kid. All of my relatives in Chicago were old, even when I was a toddler - old. UNO is one of those things that a child can understand and an older adult can appreciate. I miss the UNO times in the kitchen with my great aunts and uncles as well as my Grandma's cousins. I miss my childhood - you could get away with things then. I remember one time I pulled out the cards when I was about 5 and arranged 5 hands very carefully such to that I had a hand of about 7 "Draw Two"s. I got caught of course but there was a good laugh.
We pulled out RISK also. I lost, more like.. surrendered. I kicked my dad's ass, he was a yellow menace to the board and did the job holding back my sister. Anthony defeated my Grandma and ended up taking over my dad and sister. He never attacked me once in the entire game. When it was finally down to just me and him, he was about to turn in cards for a whopping 85 armies. I figured why go through the pain.
----
I checked my SAT scores. I'm irritated. I did the best the first time I tried. While my first try wasn't too shoddy, it wasn't satisfactory in my mind. I have 20 minutes to register for the next one. I'm debating inside. Actually, it could already be over - I don't know what timezone the deadline is in. I think I will just take the February ACT and hope for the best.
My porfolio has gotten nowhere. I'm just uninspired. I finished the outer structure of the building for my college mail nativity scene and that is about it. Maybe I should stick to freehanding.
Photoshop calls to me with a siren's voice.
