Valediction for Acting Like a Dipshit
Dec. 4th, 2003 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassI want to apologize for my reactions in general.. just for the record. I consider myself quite a weak person as far as taking news of somewhat psychological shock. It flips me in to a tisy, I spaz out, embarress myself, and piss off others. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have 3 siblings, yes, I know.. here I go blaming my psychological condition on birth order but let me reason through this. The one solid communication line I have had with fellow kids/teens has always been my siblings. In which case, I'm always the more emotionally mature. I'm used to being the mature one, the one with life experience, and all that comes with it. When matters get beyond me, I become just like a child. I have never really dealt with issues and stuff with kids/teens older than me. I don't know. I get freaked out, some may still remember my episode last year. I flipped and cried almost every night for a week because of something that had nothing to do with me.
So I'm sorry. I'm an emotionally weak person. The fact that I am frequently stressed and not well slept doesn't play well in to the equation. But then again..
I'm so sick of explaining myself. I feel like an alcoholic who needs a writing pad with "I'm sorry for the following" pre-inscribed (I think that was a Simpson's episode). I often dismiss my feelings or appear to. Really I just repress letting them out. I just think that is important to note. I really have a problem with keeping emotions inside. I feel like I'm mortally wounded when stuff is on my mind, I often can't move on in life until I let it out, ie Alex Marte-plane episode. That bothered me for months! Ugh. So really, I need to learn how to vent in a better way and not hurt the people I care about more than anything. I'm sorry if you have been trapped in my emotional typhoons, I know several people have been and it just sucks and its unfair to them. Just because I feel like crap doesn't mean I have to bring everyone down with me. I think I'm one of those people they call a "bleeding heart" except not in the overly charitable sense. I'm just so sensitive to stuff that I begin to imagine myself into situations, I get overly upset.. I'm just such a mess.
I want to escape so bad right now. I was typing ads for the newspaper and I was writing the one for this summer's Europe trip. They are going to Austria, Switzerland, Italy and a few other countries (we only went to two when I went). They are going to go skiing and have adventures. I want that so bad right now. I want a totally exotic vacation away from all things that I know right now. I want something in such a foreign context. The domestic is ailing me in a fatal way. I need to restore my system.
So yeah. I'm having issues. Some typical, some not so. Were I from another family, I might seek professional therapy but as I agressively refute that I am in anyway like my mother and after 2.5 weeks in a fierce anti-psychiatric environment. I don't think that will happen. I don't think I'm crazy. I don't think I need pills or a shrink. What I need more than anything is time which is never quite handy. I'm such a bad time manager.
So that is the Sarah bit of the week.
----
Simple Life was quite funny. It was so awful though, they had to fill up milk bottles and they were getting the hose in the dirt, spilling it everywhere. When the guy started treking across the farm, in a panic to fill the bottles up faster Nicole Richie began to dump pails of water over the open partially filled bottles of milk explaining that "it was less fat and she was doing them a favor." Needless to say, they were fired. It was pretty funny.
Gwennie and Chris Martin! Eeeeeeeh! I love Coldplay and she has always come off as a good and someone humble individual, mostly because she is an A-lister but she remains somewhat of a recluse on the social scene. But anyway, good for them. I'm kind of surprised though. She is catching the tail end of a trend as opposed to starting it. Babies are the latest Hollywood accessories to an almost sick point. Sarah Jessica Parker seems to have started it do a degree but now.. even David Letterman!
-.-;; I'm going to hell for being such a farm animal with celebrity gossip fodder. It is by far my worst vice. Tut tut on me.
BTW.. <3 <3 <3 Strokes - Automatic Stop
So I'm sorry. I'm an emotionally weak person. The fact that I am frequently stressed and not well slept doesn't play well in to the equation. But then again..
I'm so sick of explaining myself. I feel like an alcoholic who needs a writing pad with "I'm sorry for the following" pre-inscribed (I think that was a Simpson's episode). I often dismiss my feelings or appear to. Really I just repress letting them out. I just think that is important to note. I really have a problem with keeping emotions inside. I feel like I'm mortally wounded when stuff is on my mind, I often can't move on in life until I let it out, ie Alex Marte-plane episode. That bothered me for months! Ugh. So really, I need to learn how to vent in a better way and not hurt the people I care about more than anything. I'm sorry if you have been trapped in my emotional typhoons, I know several people have been and it just sucks and its unfair to them. Just because I feel like crap doesn't mean I have to bring everyone down with me. I think I'm one of those people they call a "bleeding heart" except not in the overly charitable sense. I'm just so sensitive to stuff that I begin to imagine myself into situations, I get overly upset.. I'm just such a mess.
I want to escape so bad right now. I was typing ads for the newspaper and I was writing the one for this summer's Europe trip. They are going to Austria, Switzerland, Italy and a few other countries (we only went to two when I went). They are going to go skiing and have adventures. I want that so bad right now. I want a totally exotic vacation away from all things that I know right now. I want something in such a foreign context. The domestic is ailing me in a fatal way. I need to restore my system.
So yeah. I'm having issues. Some typical, some not so. Were I from another family, I might seek professional therapy but as I agressively refute that I am in anyway like my mother and after 2.5 weeks in a fierce anti-psychiatric environment. I don't think that will happen. I don't think I'm crazy. I don't think I need pills or a shrink. What I need more than anything is time which is never quite handy. I'm such a bad time manager.
So that is the Sarah bit of the week.
----
Simple Life was quite funny. It was so awful though, they had to fill up milk bottles and they were getting the hose in the dirt, spilling it everywhere. When the guy started treking across the farm, in a panic to fill the bottles up faster Nicole Richie began to dump pails of water over the open partially filled bottles of milk explaining that "it was less fat and she was doing them a favor." Needless to say, they were fired. It was pretty funny.
Gwennie and Chris Martin! Eeeeeeeh! I love Coldplay and she has always come off as a good and someone humble individual, mostly because she is an A-lister but she remains somewhat of a recluse on the social scene. But anyway, good for them. I'm kind of surprised though. She is catching the tail end of a trend as opposed to starting it. Babies are the latest Hollywood accessories to an almost sick point. Sarah Jessica Parker seems to have started it do a degree but now.. even David Letterman!
-.-;; I'm going to hell for being such a farm animal with celebrity gossip fodder. It is by far my worst vice. Tut tut on me.
BTW.. <3 <3 <3 Strokes - Automatic Stop
