Speculation
Oct. 16th, 2003 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassI think when I get mentally unstable and totally stressed out it wacks up my hormones in such a fashion of exterme Über lust Gawain style.
This journal has been plagued by a few too many "Tiger Beat" posts of swoon for the latest piece of handsomeness to traipse across the screen. I think I scare people. I am not a scary teen girl squad member "I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOOOY!!" That is so far from the truth. From what I have concluded after some deep self meditation is that it must be linked to the extreme stress of my life this year.
Here is a fuller explanation: I get very distressed and upset when things are too complicated (synonomous with messy, scattered, difficult, etc.) Usually solutions are: cleaning my room, taking a shower, or making a list. However, these have not worked in recent times.. every day I just crave for the simple. A truly basic life. Well, as basic as I could toleraate (have I explained my watermelon & chicken farm proposal?) I think it could be possible that in a chance to revert the the most basic elements of life, I distract myself from the complicated (mass loads of work and scholastic thought) and focus on more basic and instinctive demands (lol!!). So here is an analogy, neanderthal girl is trying to make a fire with absolutely no success; there is the matter of collecting appropriate sticks, dry grass, the correct rock - its a huge mess. Suddenly, handsome neanderthal guy walks by launching a mind of sheer frustration into fluffy daydreams. Its a pleasant distraction, no?
I just don't want people to get the wrong impression. I also think I will read this later and be aghast with horrow "OH MY GOD.. WHEN WAS I SUCH A TEENY BOPPER?!?!"
However, these meaningless infatuations are getting a bit far-fetched. I was avoiding finishing my drawing by googling Kyle Farnsworth for pictures of him decking Paul Wilson of the Reds for charging the plate. I don't know, it was also funny thinking of Wilson charging this 6'4 pitcher who apparently used to play footbal. He was totally bloodied up.
This will be over in a week I think/hope, plus.. I believe he is a mormon. Some of the magic is gone, I cannot really respect people that believe in a religion invented by a man who claimed: an angel gave him a golden book directly from god, he buried it, and he lost the book. If you got a golden book from an angel directly from god, WOULD YOU LET IT OUT OF YOUR SIGHT?!? Anyway. I don't know.
-----
I did pretty well on my economics test and he just gave me a 100 on my paper. Its like a large percentage of our grade. I'll take the grade but I wish he would have given us some more comments, he had the entire quarter to grade them.
The quiz wasn't that bad.
The Niki is back.
I'm going to school on the weekend.
Guys who have enough manly pride to wear utility kilts are totally desirable.
I think I'm going to go wear a sombrero and watch NBC. That sounds like a delightful combination.
----
By the way, I may not be at school and my face may appear on the news for killing my sister. That psycho bitch stole some bracelets and rings my grandmother gave me. She constantly throws things at me and steals stuff from my room. I left the jewlery in my brother's room in a drawer they don't use (I thought she would rummage in it and she hasn't for a year or two). They let her go through it ("uuuuh we didn't know it was your stuff... stop crying.. lock it up"). She just took what she wanted and now is completely denying it. I found this cross my grandmother bought for me after my first communion, even though I no longer participate as a Catholic or Christian it still has extreme sentimental value, not to mention 10K Gold and 4 pearls. She stole the chain for her own uses and just tossed it in her drawer. I hate her so much. I want to kill her sometimes. I have so many things from my childhood.. tea sets, miniture tupperware, doll clothes, doll furniture, etc. that she has destroyed maliciously because they have no use to her. She doesn't care that she is destroying my childhood and fond memories. She is the most horrendous creature in the world and I would not curse sorority with her upon even my worst enemy. I hate Nora. I know she hates me. I don't feel bad about writing it in my journal. Apparently she writes about hating me a lot in her school journal. She and I will both be happier when I leave for college. I wont have to look into her hate distorted face and deal with the daily grief and pain she causes me. If anyone wants a 10 year old female reincarnation of satan, please call me.
The worst part is I would complain to my mother in this situation. But my mom just went out of town. The only parent left is my dad who totally sympathizes with her "oh.. she feel so ganged up upon.. sure nora.. you can have whatever you want."
She denies stealing my stuff but the evidence is clear:
She says: I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR THINGS!! I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING! I DON'T WANT YOUR UGLY STUPID F***ING THINGS.. I HATE YOU!
Evidence:
Ring holder is removed from the drawer. Several rings missing.
She was wearing one of my bracelets, they must not be that ugly.
The bracelets, yes I know this is dumb, are power bead bracelets (so out, I know) but two were REALLY NICE ones made of real stone (not plastic). She claims that I stole her crappy plastic ones after I accused her of taking mine when I saw my bracelet gracing her crusty hoof. I know she was trying to justify stealing them with a " BUT YOU STOLE MINE!" She thinks I'm a total dumbass who doesn't know what she is capable of. The one thing I hate more than everything else in this world(other than her) is when people underestimate my intelligence.
I'm so furious right now. ER is going to be on in a little while. Hopefully that will calm me down.
This journal has been plagued by a few too many "Tiger Beat" posts of swoon for the latest piece of handsomeness to traipse across the screen. I think I scare people. I am not a scary teen girl squad member "I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOOOY!!" That is so far from the truth. From what I have concluded after some deep self meditation is that it must be linked to the extreme stress of my life this year.
Here is a fuller explanation: I get very distressed and upset when things are too complicated (synonomous with messy, scattered, difficult, etc.) Usually solutions are: cleaning my room, taking a shower, or making a list. However, these have not worked in recent times.. every day I just crave for the simple. A truly basic life. Well, as basic as I could toleraate (have I explained my watermelon & chicken farm proposal?) I think it could be possible that in a chance to revert the the most basic elements of life, I distract myself from the complicated (mass loads of work and scholastic thought) and focus on more basic and instinctive demands (lol!!). So here is an analogy, neanderthal girl is trying to make a fire with absolutely no success; there is the matter of collecting appropriate sticks, dry grass, the correct rock - its a huge mess. Suddenly, handsome neanderthal guy walks by launching a mind of sheer frustration into fluffy daydreams. Its a pleasant distraction, no?
I just don't want people to get the wrong impression. I also think I will read this later and be aghast with horrow "OH MY GOD.. WHEN WAS I SUCH A TEENY BOPPER?!?!"
However, these meaningless infatuations are getting a bit far-fetched. I was avoiding finishing my drawing by googling Kyle Farnsworth for pictures of him decking Paul Wilson of the Reds for charging the plate. I don't know, it was also funny thinking of Wilson charging this 6'4 pitcher who apparently used to play footbal. He was totally bloodied up.
This will be over in a week I think/hope, plus.. I believe he is a mormon. Some of the magic is gone, I cannot really respect people that believe in a religion invented by a man who claimed: an angel gave him a golden book directly from god, he buried it, and he lost the book. If you got a golden book from an angel directly from god, WOULD YOU LET IT OUT OF YOUR SIGHT?!? Anyway. I don't know.
-----
I did pretty well on my economics test and he just gave me a 100 on my paper. Its like a large percentage of our grade. I'll take the grade but I wish he would have given us some more comments, he had the entire quarter to grade them.
The quiz wasn't that bad.
The Niki is back.
I'm going to school on the weekend.
Guys who have enough manly pride to wear utility kilts are totally desirable.
I think I'm going to go wear a sombrero and watch NBC. That sounds like a delightful combination.
----
By the way, I may not be at school and my face may appear on the news for killing my sister. That psycho bitch stole some bracelets and rings my grandmother gave me. She constantly throws things at me and steals stuff from my room. I left the jewlery in my brother's room in a drawer they don't use (I thought she would rummage in it and she hasn't for a year or two). They let her go through it ("uuuuh we didn't know it was your stuff... stop crying.. lock it up"). She just took what she wanted and now is completely denying it. I found this cross my grandmother bought for me after my first communion, even though I no longer participate as a Catholic or Christian it still has extreme sentimental value, not to mention 10K Gold and 4 pearls. She stole the chain for her own uses and just tossed it in her drawer. I hate her so much. I want to kill her sometimes. I have so many things from my childhood.. tea sets, miniture tupperware, doll clothes, doll furniture, etc. that she has destroyed maliciously because they have no use to her. She doesn't care that she is destroying my childhood and fond memories. She is the most horrendous creature in the world and I would not curse sorority with her upon even my worst enemy. I hate Nora. I know she hates me. I don't feel bad about writing it in my journal. Apparently she writes about hating me a lot in her school journal. She and I will both be happier when I leave for college. I wont have to look into her hate distorted face and deal with the daily grief and pain she causes me. If anyone wants a 10 year old female reincarnation of satan, please call me.
The worst part is I would complain to my mother in this situation. But my mom just went out of town. The only parent left is my dad who totally sympathizes with her "oh.. she feel so ganged up upon.. sure nora.. you can have whatever you want."
She denies stealing my stuff but the evidence is clear:
She says: I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR THINGS!! I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING! I DON'T WANT YOUR UGLY STUPID F***ING THINGS.. I HATE YOU!
Evidence:
Ring holder is removed from the drawer. Several rings missing.
She was wearing one of my bracelets, they must not be that ugly.
The bracelets, yes I know this is dumb, are power bead bracelets (so out, I know) but two were REALLY NICE ones made of real stone (not plastic). She claims that I stole her crappy plastic ones after I accused her of taking mine when I saw my bracelet gracing her crusty hoof. I know she was trying to justify stealing them with a " BUT YOU STOLE MINE!" She thinks I'm a total dumbass who doesn't know what she is capable of. The one thing I hate more than everything else in this world(other than her) is when people underestimate my intelligence.
I'm so furious right now. ER is going to be on in a little while. Hopefully that will calm me down.
