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transomwhiplassI don't know what my problem is.
My social avoidance is my fault. I cannot blame anyone for it. I don't feel bad about not going to homecoming. I just feel bad that my friends are all doing something without me and I lack power to join them. Helplessness kills me.
Mary, I'm sorry.. I just snapped. I just haven't seen any of you for more than 10 minute increments in the last few weeks and here is another time where I won't be around. I'm not angry at you. I'm just frustrated in general with stuff. Something just tells me that if Niki wanted me to know she was going, she would have told me. From my speculation, I think she may have known this would be my reaction and chose not to tell me. I cannot blame you for anything, you are the messenger - the bringer of bad news.
I've just had a monumentally shitty week. I haven't seen anyone except Laura and other general classmates.
In the long run, I wish that I didn't know about this homecoming thing, but nothing can be done now. I've been really overemotional and hypersensitive lately and I know that makes things harder for people around me. I'm sorry for my stupid outburst. I know I've grown on the inside as a human a lot recently, but my outter levels of pettiness and jealousy are still as apparent as ever. Maybe I will call Emma or something. We haven't done anything in a really long time, unfortunately. So yeah. Just don't show me any group pictures.. I will probably start crying my eyes out.
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Its really sad, I thought "hey.. wow! I'm such a stronger person these days," and then I flip out and have a break down. I think I've just been in this really fragile, overextended state.. I've been spreading myself to far & thin - OVERapplying myself. My time management skills have actually atrophied quite a great deal and I'm sure that is largely to blame.
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The new GAP at Memorial City is hiring but you have to be 18. Sad for me ;_;, but its not like I need an extra thing to think about doing.
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I feel bad when I lash out at others even though I'm disappointed in myself. Its a bad character trait that I need to eliminate.
My social avoidance is my fault. I cannot blame anyone for it. I don't feel bad about not going to homecoming. I just feel bad that my friends are all doing something without me and I lack power to join them. Helplessness kills me.
Mary, I'm sorry.. I just snapped. I just haven't seen any of you for more than 10 minute increments in the last few weeks and here is another time where I won't be around. I'm not angry at you. I'm just frustrated in general with stuff. Something just tells me that if Niki wanted me to know she was going, she would have told me. From my speculation, I think she may have known this would be my reaction and chose not to tell me. I cannot blame you for anything, you are the messenger - the bringer of bad news.
I've just had a monumentally shitty week. I haven't seen anyone except Laura and other general classmates.
In the long run, I wish that I didn't know about this homecoming thing, but nothing can be done now. I've been really overemotional and hypersensitive lately and I know that makes things harder for people around me. I'm sorry for my stupid outburst. I know I've grown on the inside as a human a lot recently, but my outter levels of pettiness and jealousy are still as apparent as ever. Maybe I will call Emma or something. We haven't done anything in a really long time, unfortunately. So yeah. Just don't show me any group pictures.. I will probably start crying my eyes out.
-----
Its really sad, I thought "hey.. wow! I'm such a stronger person these days," and then I flip out and have a break down. I think I've just been in this really fragile, overextended state.. I've been spreading myself to far & thin - OVERapplying myself. My time management skills have actually atrophied quite a great deal and I'm sure that is largely to blame.
-----
The new GAP at Memorial City is hiring but you have to be 18. Sad for me ;_;, but its not like I need an extra thing to think about doing.
-----
I feel bad when I lash out at others even though I'm disappointed in myself. Its a bad character trait that I need to eliminate.
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-27 04:35 pm (UTC)NUUUUU!!!
Date: 2003-09-27 10:09 pm (UTC)I don't feel bad about not going to homecoming at all.
I only felt bad because I thought Niki and I would go do something while you guys went. It's a compromise, I would have had more fun with Niki and everyone would be happy. It is just now, the fact is.. all of you will go, maybe share some laughs and come back talking about stuff & have jokes that I won't be in on.
Blah. I DON'T want to go. I just DON'T want to be the girl at home while all her friends are out doing stuff.
That is all.
Re: NUUUUU!!!
Date: 2003-09-29 02:21 pm (UTC)Don't feel bad, really. The dances are ok, but they're something that I could either take or leave. I'd rather be wearing jeans and hanging out at Chili's with you than be at The Spindletop trying not to spill something on my $200 dress and smelling like hair spray.