blah.

[transomwhiplass]

I don't know what is wrong with me. I just feel so naseuous. My head is swimming. I feel like I've been outside in the sun/pool to long. I have this tearing feeling of frustration. I feel broken. I can't find some pieces. It's making me more frustrated and sick and naseous and I would scream if it wouldn't make me feel sicker. I feel so blah with a generous hint of vomitting. Lovely.

Everyone wants me to do something. I want to do something. I just feel lousy though.

My dad says:

- Get in touch with my Uncle
- Write the contract
- Figure out when I'm going
- Reschedule ACT
- Move.. exercise.. get working
- Stop going to bed so late, you are an insomniac because you do not work out as diligently as me.
- Blah blah blah.
- You need money
- We are poor now. (This is today's revalation)

My Mom says

- Reschedule ACT
- Do what dad says
- Call her friend "Erin" about an internship (which I don't know if I will have time to do)
- You need money.
- We are poor because your dad said so and because I don't work.

I Say:

- Do what they want.. make them happy.. then maybe they will give you some fucking peace and quiet
- Ignore them.. duck them, you don't feel like it- don't do it. When you do, there will just be more stuff they want.
- Get more active.. no kidding you feel like a blob of shit. That is what not moving does to you.
- You are a bad person- totally not knowing it was Steph's birthday 3 minutes ago. Bad friend.
- How long has Mary been making no sense to me? With her random spurts of foreign languages and references to games and J-Pop songs. We are on such different wavelengths these days.
- I want to give someone a codename too! Not because I like him (NO WAY!) but because I need to rant and because of his strange pursuit- may start reading journal. Found my number from someone ::cough::. His new name is now Kathy because that is what he reminds me of- you pull his string (sometimes not even) and he talks for hours.
- I hate people who type in single letters and numbers. It symbolizes to me a lack of education and general laziness (haha.. should I talk?) that cannot be tolerated. The Internet has made communication and life so much faster- does one not have the decency to spare some extra seconds to type out the correct letters or exercise a hard-drilled education of grammar? I read someones rant about overusing ellipses. I used to because my thoughts skipped that way, but I stopped. I also correct grammar/spelling in my IMs when I can, yes, I'm a loser- but don't you feel nice knowing that I feel it necessary to be *proper* in your presence?
- I want to do something important this summer. I don't know what. I want it to fall in my lap and then do it.
- I'm going to kill the Sims. This graphics problem is making it impossible to play. A sign from a higher power that I should not waste away hour after hour in the computer's glow? Possibly.. but nevertheless an annoyance.

Summer anxiety is sinking in as predicted. I feared these tasks that would come to hand. I also feared the seperation from friends. It makes me wonder how stuff will be after high school - will these people become like middle school associates- people with whom I have no contact today? Tragic. Anyway. I miss familiar faces. Anthony is being such a bitch. Since he broke his arm we aren't supposed to *rough house* but he is the instigator and almost always does by sticking his feet in my face and kicking it on the couch. Ugh. Anyway, Emma and I saw a movie. That was good, I was glad to get out of the house, see her, see a friend, and get some free reading material (on loan) from her.

I feel sad during the summer. All my friends have older friends that they catch up with or do stuff with about this time. I don't have a soul except three mean siblings and two bumbling dogs. Alas.

My face looks pasty these days. It sickens me. It also looks swollen. I need to get more active. However, I am looking forward to my 3 weeks in Oregon which I know will become a reverse experience than my 6 in Chicago with my grandma when I was 7 or 8 (20 lbs on the grandma diet turning me from a stickish and wispy little girl onto a growth spurt). 3 weeks - most likely no soft drinks, no snacks, probably with some tofu here and there and a few dishes to be wary of. Plus, I'm assuming- more walking on a day to day basis. haha. That is why houston sucks- you can't walk because stuff is too far, their aren't a lot of side walks, and the heat might kill you.

I need to do the stuff my parents want to get them off my back. How bad can it be. Except I refuse to reschedule the ACT. This already happened once, on my money.. and I had to fix it.. on my money. And every goddamn thing lately has been on my money. So they can call and fix it- I don't know if/when I can reschedule becasue the next one is in fall. They can do it. I wish I was taking the July SAT, too bad the fucking satan worshipers at the college board wanted to charge me $50 to take it across town. Bastards.

Oh MY GOD! Vanity Fair has my hit list on the cover!!! Minus Mandy Moore- I don't have a real beef with her.. she is like the only teeny bopper that hasn't gone whore yet, maybe has even become a little more wholesome. Hilary Duff (the dumb tramp who got her show dumped because she & mother were greedy.. HAHA- big red X on her resume), Amanda Bynes (the annoying twerpy girl who has been on like 5 different shows and comes off as annoying and Molly Shannon-ish), the Olsen twins (dear god.. they bother me. They were cute on full house but their movies today and their singing.... ew. Haha, it will be so funny when they pass teenager-dom. What will they do. It will be scary if they live together forever and they can't exactly be *cute* at age 20. They won't be able to make their crappy on-a-formula movies anymore.). I think that is it. UGH. Anyway.

My hair is bothering me. I should do something with it. It is sucking right now. Everytime I try to pony tail it, my part won't go away. It is distressing me to no end. I should get it cut. I don't know.

I'm going to go find something to do now.

Kathy can name all the power rangers series and claims not to watch them. Pfff.

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