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transomwhiplassJunior Ring was really bad. Ms. Schiro said "I said that you could not wear Doc Marten's." One thing among all the bellowing that I did not hear, nor did anyone around me, hear. I borrowed shoes from Sarah Exley's mom. I was more pissed off and shaken by the experience than weepy or upset- people who know me, KNOW that I live to the letter of the law and am VERY careful about following dress code. I heard no flip flops, but nothing else.
I had to return the shoes which were probably like.. a size to small which was not fun as a lot of the ceremony involved a lot of standing. My mom came in and she looked a wreck and right then she just started crying, "why didn't they let you wear your shoes" "I'll be in the car." Yeah, so that pretty much sucked, THANKS SAA! So I left, without trying cake or punch and found my mom. I don't know, I was over it by then but she was really upset and that made ME upset.
I don't know what my parents are paying for. I feel bad sometimes that maybe I'm not living up to the money and making the best of it. But sometimes it certainly feels like they are TRYING to alienate us so we will never come back- which is funny because I know they are going to be spamming my mailbox in the future with moans for donations to "save my school." Honestly, I don't think that we all get an equal education. Every teacher has like.. a *buddy student* I see it most with Mr. Sutter. He is nice to most people but like.. total friends with Ally & Nikki, he totally hates Mary though - I don't know what that's about. But still, I don't have a teacher at school that I know or whatever. They tell us " get to know your teachers.. reccomendations.. reccomendations..blah blah blah." I think that to force yourself on someone so they will further you in life is evil and coniving, its like- the trail to sleeping with your boss for a promotion. I don't know, I'm not open or cheerful or extroverted- I don't fit in to the square hole they are trying to put me in. I wish some teacher had a special interest in me, but no one does. This is the end folks, junior year. Ugh. Its funny how much blind faith and spirit I had for our school like, for two years maybe. They totally lost me this year- I feel bitter, cynical, and its a lot because of SAA I decided not to be catholic - isn't that their mission of some sorts? I don't know, I just, it bothers me. Those book & college awards at underclass awards really highlighted the situation. They get around and discuss us and pick people that stand out.. or are favorites.. girls who step over others to get in the spot light a lot of times *cough* LAURA MESA *cough cough*. It was underlined when I didn't get student council (which I never have and never will.. predetermined in elementary school) and lost it to people like Jenna Altemus some one so awful and evil and just terrible (you should of heard her talk about Kata Y. after she lost homeroom rep last year). Its like, wait a second. Who are you proud of. I'm someone who has followed every fucking rule, never stepped out of line, never raised a fuss, never caused a public embarressment, has done the school EXTREME service within the last year.... and what to I get. No, no silly book/college award, no elected positions, no certificates, absolutely nothing. I will leave my school with nothing to show for all the crap I have had to put up with for 4 years while some girls get to further define our school reputation as what I have heard to be "smokers" and "whores" or something like that. So, I don't know what they want. I'm tired of trying. I don't know what they want. I can't be like those girls who get chosen for stuff - its not in me, I don't stand out.. Sr. Jane explained it with her scarring example of putting the introverts on show like monkeys at the zoo.
I guess in a way, SAA fufilled what I wanted freshman year. To not be at Memorial. Something maybe a dozen+ girls would have shot me for the opprotunity. Its a good school but, I don't know.. SBISD screwed me over for many years.
I can't wait to just get out of grade school. Everything is wrong. The impression is that you have an equal chance as everyone else but you know everyone is getting cookies or a push behind your back. My understanding is that its always sort of like that but its harder to find people to do that for you- more time for you to sink or swim.
This is why I could never tolerate being at UT and therefore will not even worry trying to get in. Being a number. Having to stand out in the masses. Its too hard. I need to go to bed.
They are giving us off campus for the rest of the year at least. Fuck, I need to by a replacement tag because I lost the other one. Ughghgug.. have to do it tomorrow because I need it for Tuesday cos' I'm driving home after AP. Goody goody.
I had to return the shoes which were probably like.. a size to small which was not fun as a lot of the ceremony involved a lot of standing. My mom came in and she looked a wreck and right then she just started crying, "why didn't they let you wear your shoes" "I'll be in the car." Yeah, so that pretty much sucked, THANKS SAA! So I left, without trying cake or punch and found my mom. I don't know, I was over it by then but she was really upset and that made ME upset.
I don't know what my parents are paying for. I feel bad sometimes that maybe I'm not living up to the money and making the best of it. But sometimes it certainly feels like they are TRYING to alienate us so we will never come back- which is funny because I know they are going to be spamming my mailbox in the future with moans for donations to "save my school." Honestly, I don't think that we all get an equal education. Every teacher has like.. a *buddy student* I see it most with Mr. Sutter. He is nice to most people but like.. total friends with Ally & Nikki, he totally hates Mary though - I don't know what that's about. But still, I don't have a teacher at school that I know or whatever. They tell us " get to know your teachers.. reccomendations.. reccomendations..blah blah blah." I think that to force yourself on someone so they will further you in life is evil and coniving, its like- the trail to sleeping with your boss for a promotion. I don't know, I'm not open or cheerful or extroverted- I don't fit in to the square hole they are trying to put me in. I wish some teacher had a special interest in me, but no one does. This is the end folks, junior year. Ugh. Its funny how much blind faith and spirit I had for our school like, for two years maybe. They totally lost me this year- I feel bitter, cynical, and its a lot because of SAA I decided not to be catholic - isn't that their mission of some sorts? I don't know, I just, it bothers me. Those book & college awards at underclass awards really highlighted the situation. They get around and discuss us and pick people that stand out.. or are favorites.. girls who step over others to get in the spot light a lot of times *cough* LAURA MESA *cough cough*. It was underlined when I didn't get student council (which I never have and never will.. predetermined in elementary school) and lost it to people like Jenna Altemus some one so awful and evil and just terrible (you should of heard her talk about Kata Y. after she lost homeroom rep last year). Its like, wait a second. Who are you proud of. I'm someone who has followed every fucking rule, never stepped out of line, never raised a fuss, never caused a public embarressment, has done the school EXTREME service within the last year.... and what to I get. No, no silly book/college award, no elected positions, no certificates, absolutely nothing. I will leave my school with nothing to show for all the crap I have had to put up with for 4 years while some girls get to further define our school reputation as what I have heard to be "smokers" and "whores" or something like that. So, I don't know what they want. I'm tired of trying. I don't know what they want. I can't be like those girls who get chosen for stuff - its not in me, I don't stand out.. Sr. Jane explained it with her scarring example of putting the introverts on show like monkeys at the zoo.
I guess in a way, SAA fufilled what I wanted freshman year. To not be at Memorial. Something maybe a dozen+ girls would have shot me for the opprotunity. Its a good school but, I don't know.. SBISD screwed me over for many years.
I can't wait to just get out of grade school. Everything is wrong. The impression is that you have an equal chance as everyone else but you know everyone is getting cookies or a push behind your back. My understanding is that its always sort of like that but its harder to find people to do that for you- more time for you to sink or swim.
This is why I could never tolerate being at UT and therefore will not even worry trying to get in. Being a number. Having to stand out in the masses. Its too hard. I need to go to bed.
They are giving us off campus for the rest of the year at least. Fuck, I need to by a replacement tag because I lost the other one. Ughghgug.. have to do it tomorrow because I need it for Tuesday cos' I'm driving home after AP. Goody goody.
