fuck a duck.
Mar. 6th, 2003 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassI lost. Not much more to say. I lost to quivering-like-leaf girl. Maybe I should have burst out sobbing and cried for my mommy. No I am not bitter. Whatever. Girl A beat Mizu. Even though she randomly started talking like a ghetto person. It was NHS elections and her speech include things like, "You ain't got no nothing to worry about." People who don't go to my school: it is a college prep. academy. It was shocking. In journalism, Sarah (not me, current secretary of NHS) said "Girl A.. why did you start talking without using proper english" her reply "oh I do only do it when I'm really passionate and excited." It was not to mention inappropriate but bizarre as she is a native Columbian. Like, where did she pick up these low IQ speech patterns, no? I believe her dad is a well-to-do buisness man, its not like they've ever lived in crackton. It's shocking because she wants to be editor of the newspaper. ::cough:: no..
Today sucked at school.. I'm just like.. dead. I need a surge of energy to get me through the last few months. Tis' not pretty, I drag my ass in and out of school. I don't know how I do it, I shock myself. My willpower isn't as strong as society's power. If I had my own free choices, I'd find a quiet corner to die of boredom in. Everything... I'm just so apathetic. Well.. apathetic to the point that I still get pissed off, upset, and frustrated but to the point I can't get excited or weepy. Maybe I should start sleeping again. That would always be good.
Today's academic challenge was great. I've never had more fun. Karen read and it was just me, Niki, and Megan. It was super fun. We chatted about answers and I got more than I've gotten recently. We did 6 60 second rounds. Ah, such fun.
With Friends:
At service day Niki found a Native American plate that her parents collect. She paid $1.50. Apparently, the plate is worth thousands of dollars as it is by the most signifigant Native American potter in history, or something along those lines. Very cool.
Steph.. talk about like, total makeover in a day. Maybe a week.. but it's scary how quick. She decided to try out for SAA cheerleader (no cuts ::cough::). Anyway, suddenly there is makeup and cheerfulness and a lack of those between pessimistict and fuck-it attitudes. I am unable to gather my jaw from the ground. Anyway.. she made it, I guess I'm happy for her because it is what she wants to do. On the other side, I feel like I've lost touch with her. It's been sort of like this.. I think since Christmas dance. I used to feel like Steph was the hugest tomboy of all of us. More and more I began to see how well.. *normal* and maybe *additionally* girly she really is. I don't know if your reading this Steph. I don't know, just.. the way she has uncovered.. I wonder if maybe this isn't a change, but some part of herself she has been to afraid to reveal. I'm going to use an awful metaphor, but the best thing I can think of: (its really like the reverse side buried.. just an FWI) like a potato plant. The top is a flower (what she has seemingly buried in real life) but underground is the potato. Both are great, totally.. and they make up the same thing.. both pieces need each other to survive, but one part is always buried waiting to be discovered. Anyway. I saw her in the stair well, and I recognized her height, and her basic formm (like something in the dark) but it wasn't till she was all "Sammeh!" that I was like.. O_O.. Steph?? Makeup, hair in big tails, with a headband. It was very confusing. Anyway.. I know she is the same old Steph, but I can't stop feeling like she's been brainwashed by some foreign agents who want to stop her from joining the FBI and destroying their despotic leader. Haha. Anyway, god's speed steph on your journey to discover yourself.
I think that Steph's change has prompted me to do some considering about myself. I have come to the conclusion I know others better than me. I could tell people what they could do to succeed and what job would make them happy. At least I think I can. But I couldn't tell you for $1 million dollars something that I wanted for sure. I think I like certain things, but I always change my mind in time. This is a pondering on me.. don't freak out when I use the third person.
But all in all, who is Sarah? From what I can tell, Sarah is a girl who doesn't like to set her life in stone. She always wants a way out of everything, *just in case*. She is capricious and fancies many things for periods of time. From what I can tell, she does appear to be growing as an individual and learning though she doesn't think so. She never knows anything thats necessary.. only the unnecessary, at least that's how she feels. She likes to have a few people *around her*, but in general, does not like to *be with people*. If she had more energy/confidence, she would follow the beat of her own drum, but as she is lacking in both.. she tends to just conform because it's easier and draws less attention. She wants to change the world, but doesn't know how. She wishes she could forward herself 500 years forward. She enjoys Star Trek because the social order appears so Eutopian at times, no racial divisions at all, its not even considered; like Earth united in order to pursue bigger & greater exploration & conquest. Peace on Earth at least, something that probably won't exist in her life time. She loves sleep but never commits to it where she can get the most enjoyment from it. As she cannot commit to anything around her. She thinks she wants some things more that the world but often she is too terrified or impatient to work for them. She doesn't want to be her mom and doesn't want to marry anyone like her dad. She can't stand 99.999% of little girls. Girls terrify her, but so do boys. However, she finds herself able to love boys but unable to love and sometimes even respect girls. She wants to have a big family, and a comfortable lifestyle. She doesn't want to be a full time mom, her dream would to be run a buisness of some kind from home. She is crazy. Some people think she is quiet and shy, just a shadow if that much. Others see her as a hyperactive loud mouth who can't shut up about anything. She has a long history of depression in her family, not to mention heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and cancer. She wants a time machine. She wants to be loved. She wants to be respected. She wants to be accepted. Sometimes she wonders if it is only her in existence and everything is made up. She has no religion. She does have morals. She feels like everyone wants more from her but she feels that though she isn't living to her potential, she could never be as much as everyone wants. She wants to exist.
Today sucked at school.. I'm just like.. dead. I need a surge of energy to get me through the last few months. Tis' not pretty, I drag my ass in and out of school. I don't know how I do it, I shock myself. My willpower isn't as strong as society's power. If I had my own free choices, I'd find a quiet corner to die of boredom in. Everything... I'm just so apathetic. Well.. apathetic to the point that I still get pissed off, upset, and frustrated but to the point I can't get excited or weepy. Maybe I should start sleeping again. That would always be good.
Today's academic challenge was great. I've never had more fun. Karen read and it was just me, Niki, and Megan. It was super fun. We chatted about answers and I got more than I've gotten recently. We did 6 60 second rounds. Ah, such fun.
With Friends:
At service day Niki found a Native American plate that her parents collect. She paid $1.50. Apparently, the plate is worth thousands of dollars as it is by the most signifigant Native American potter in history, or something along those lines. Very cool.
Steph.. talk about like, total makeover in a day. Maybe a week.. but it's scary how quick. She decided to try out for SAA cheerleader (no cuts ::cough::). Anyway, suddenly there is makeup and cheerfulness and a lack of those between pessimistict and fuck-it attitudes. I am unable to gather my jaw from the ground. Anyway.. she made it, I guess I'm happy for her because it is what she wants to do. On the other side, I feel like I've lost touch with her. It's been sort of like this.. I think since Christmas dance. I used to feel like Steph was the hugest tomboy of all of us. More and more I began to see how well.. *normal* and maybe *additionally* girly she really is. I don't know if your reading this Steph. I don't know, just.. the way she has uncovered.. I wonder if maybe this isn't a change, but some part of herself she has been to afraid to reveal. I'm going to use an awful metaphor, but the best thing I can think of: (its really like the reverse side buried.. just an FWI) like a potato plant. The top is a flower (what she has seemingly buried in real life) but underground is the potato. Both are great, totally.. and they make up the same thing.. both pieces need each other to survive, but one part is always buried waiting to be discovered. Anyway. I saw her in the stair well, and I recognized her height, and her basic formm (like something in the dark) but it wasn't till she was all "Sammeh!" that I was like.. O_O.. Steph?? Makeup, hair in big tails, with a headband. It was very confusing. Anyway.. I know she is the same old Steph, but I can't stop feeling like she's been brainwashed by some foreign agents who want to stop her from joining the FBI and destroying their despotic leader. Haha. Anyway, god's speed steph on your journey to discover yourself.
I think that Steph's change has prompted me to do some considering about myself. I have come to the conclusion I know others better than me. I could tell people what they could do to succeed and what job would make them happy. At least I think I can. But I couldn't tell you for $1 million dollars something that I wanted for sure. I think I like certain things, but I always change my mind in time. This is a pondering on me.. don't freak out when I use the third person.
But all in all, who is Sarah? From what I can tell, Sarah is a girl who doesn't like to set her life in stone. She always wants a way out of everything, *just in case*. She is capricious and fancies many things for periods of time. From what I can tell, she does appear to be growing as an individual and learning though she doesn't think so. She never knows anything thats necessary.. only the unnecessary, at least that's how she feels. She likes to have a few people *around her*, but in general, does not like to *be with people*. If she had more energy/confidence, she would follow the beat of her own drum, but as she is lacking in both.. she tends to just conform because it's easier and draws less attention. She wants to change the world, but doesn't know how. She wishes she could forward herself 500 years forward. She enjoys Star Trek because the social order appears so Eutopian at times, no racial divisions at all, its not even considered; like Earth united in order to pursue bigger & greater exploration & conquest. Peace on Earth at least, something that probably won't exist in her life time. She loves sleep but never commits to it where she can get the most enjoyment from it. As she cannot commit to anything around her. She thinks she wants some things more that the world but often she is too terrified or impatient to work for them. She doesn't want to be her mom and doesn't want to marry anyone like her dad. She can't stand 99.999% of little girls. Girls terrify her, but so do boys. However, she finds herself able to love boys but unable to love and sometimes even respect girls. She wants to have a big family, and a comfortable lifestyle. She doesn't want to be a full time mom, her dream would to be run a buisness of some kind from home. She is crazy. Some people think she is quiet and shy, just a shadow if that much. Others see her as a hyperactive loud mouth who can't shut up about anything. She has a long history of depression in her family, not to mention heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and cancer. She wants a time machine. She wants to be loved. She wants to be respected. She wants to be accepted. Sometimes she wonders if it is only her in existence and everything is made up. She has no religion. She does have morals. She feels like everyone wants more from her but she feels that though she isn't living to her potential, she could never be as much as everyone wants. She wants to exist.
