I am the Hobo.
Feb. 9th, 2003 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassThis weekend has been so wasted, yet so not.. I don't know how to describe the perfect weekend..
Wait, no, "x" that, "endless," that is the perfect weekend..
Weekends are stranged, while they happen sometimes you just can't find enough things to do to pass the time, but you are almost always sad when they end.
I have an english paper due Monday, I REALLY don't want to do it, no kidding. I haven't so much started it, I usualy wait till the last minute, you know, the insomnia & desperation cocktail that isth my fuel. Today, I feel ultra last minute, seeing as its 10:30. Usually I'd hit the books 8-9ish, usually stuff calms down right about then, or is about to. My uncle and aunt being here, has pushed things back several hours, people stopped whooping and screaming like 5 minutes ago. Usually I would hide in my room on my god-forsaken laptop and type away, but I don't have a room to hide in right now. I can't tell you how much I miss having "my space".. I can't take screaming and yelling, I can't work when there are other things to do. I think I will flunk out of college first quarter.
Papers suck so much, we always have them "due" on a Monday, so everyone is in a total frenzy the night before. She always gives us a peer-edit day, always, but never tells us. So its like, what if she decided NOT to give us one, then we would be soooo SOL. All in all, everyone does their papers, and they are all in all typed and pretty with proper heading in 12 pt Times New Roman, in their respective section folders by 8 AM. Every H AP English 3 eye is saggy the next day because everyone has been up between 3-6ish, sometimes earlier, working on essays. Haha. Its funny how everyone does it, even the EXTREME FEW, who start ahead of time, but it makes sense. The extreme perfectionists who have enough drive to start ahead of time, they are up to the wee-hours making sure every period and comma is placed correctly. They are a wild breed. I have my potential. Yep. I'M FILTHY RICH WITH POTENTIAL. That's what I tell everyone, and that's my pride and joy, "Yep.. I got me lots o' potential." Now, I don't say it like that, because a potential-filled person does not come with hickdom, but that is a totally different story. All in all, I could be anything I fucking want, and I know that. But some not-so wise person, left it up to me to make the choices here. I could have been a straight A student, I could have my 4.0, I could be way up there with the other girls. Those stupid, tight-assed snobby elitist brats, except Niki and a few others ^.^ but their are a few. I could be like them, and NOT BE CHEATING MY ASS OFF. Sorry, bitterness.. oh so much bitterness. I could be on the fast track to med school, I could study for 12 hours and make 100s on everything. I could read in every spare minute of my time. I could keep everything in perfect order, I could never watch TV, I could be perfect. But, I choose not to be. There is something EXTREMELY humbling with that. I choose not to be the best, I'm choosing not to consume my life with that stuff. I'm sorta cruising through, I feel like a fuck-up sometimes.. I feel too lazy sometimes.. but I guess I'm not too bad, I do have a 3.7. Sure, that isn't fantastic... but considering some girls work till their fingers bleed and steam comes out their ears, and they can only get a 3.3 or something... I think I'm doing pretty well for myself.
When will people learn that the most out of control hormonal years are between high school and college and those are the years that all of our futures are "dependent" on. Its cruel and ironic how it all works out. I think its sad how we are forced to work against nature to focus and keep determined. When did all of this happen? Some thousands of years back, I would have several children and be gathering berries for a living. Now, life revolves around papers and studying and getting in to colleges and then finding careers. Things are so complicated. I was talking to my uncle and he is a big anti-ritalin activist. You know, Ritalin, the stuff they give to people with a "chemical inbalance" to help them "focus" on what's "important." WOW! They haven't found that chemical, they aren't balancing that chemical. They are just giving children a mild dose of SPEED, to make everyone's lives easier. No, forget giving kids more attention, or trying to teach them in a more effective way. LET'S PUT 'EM ON DRUGS AND POSSIBILY SCREW THEM UP FOR LIFE. Hold on a second, I just totally lost my train of thought here, how did I start talking about ritalin. Haha, I'm so prone to tangents, yargh. Oh well.. I still have that paper towrite start.
Anyway, all in all. I do not want to write this thing. I hate how its important to my life. I hate how I made that "choice" not to start sooner. I hate and resent many things these days.. ah, the constant joys of adolescence.
Wait, no, "x" that, "endless," that is the perfect weekend..
Weekends are stranged, while they happen sometimes you just can't find enough things to do to pass the time, but you are almost always sad when they end.
I have an english paper due Monday, I REALLY don't want to do it, no kidding. I haven't so much started it, I usualy wait till the last minute, you know, the insomnia & desperation cocktail that isth my fuel. Today, I feel ultra last minute, seeing as its 10:30. Usually I'd hit the books 8-9ish, usually stuff calms down right about then, or is about to. My uncle and aunt being here, has pushed things back several hours, people stopped whooping and screaming like 5 minutes ago. Usually I would hide in my room on my god-forsaken laptop and type away, but I don't have a room to hide in right now. I can't tell you how much I miss having "my space".. I can't take screaming and yelling, I can't work when there are other things to do. I think I will flunk out of college first quarter.
Papers suck so much, we always have them "due" on a Monday, so everyone is in a total frenzy the night before. She always gives us a peer-edit day, always, but never tells us. So its like, what if she decided NOT to give us one, then we would be soooo SOL. All in all, everyone does their papers, and they are all in all typed and pretty with proper heading in 12 pt Times New Roman, in their respective section folders by 8 AM. Every H AP English 3 eye is saggy the next day because everyone has been up between 3-6ish, sometimes earlier, working on essays. Haha. Its funny how everyone does it, even the EXTREME FEW, who start ahead of time, but it makes sense. The extreme perfectionists who have enough drive to start ahead of time, they are up to the wee-hours making sure every period and comma is placed correctly. They are a wild breed. I have my potential. Yep. I'M FILTHY RICH WITH POTENTIAL. That's what I tell everyone, and that's my pride and joy, "Yep.. I got me lots o' potential." Now, I don't say it like that, because a potential-filled person does not come with hickdom, but that is a totally different story. All in all, I could be anything I fucking want, and I know that. But some not-so wise person, left it up to me to make the choices here. I could have been a straight A student, I could have my 4.0, I could be way up there with the other girls. Those stupid, tight-assed snobby elitist brats, except Niki and a few others ^.^ but their are a few. I could be like them, and NOT BE CHEATING MY ASS OFF. Sorry, bitterness.. oh so much bitterness. I could be on the fast track to med school, I could study for 12 hours and make 100s on everything. I could read in every spare minute of my time. I could keep everything in perfect order, I could never watch TV, I could be perfect. But, I choose not to be. There is something EXTREMELY humbling with that. I choose not to be the best, I'm choosing not to consume my life with that stuff. I'm sorta cruising through, I feel like a fuck-up sometimes.. I feel too lazy sometimes.. but I guess I'm not too bad, I do have a 3.7. Sure, that isn't fantastic... but considering some girls work till their fingers bleed and steam comes out their ears, and they can only get a 3.3 or something... I think I'm doing pretty well for myself.
When will people learn that the most out of control hormonal years are between high school and college and those are the years that all of our futures are "dependent" on. Its cruel and ironic how it all works out. I think its sad how we are forced to work against nature to focus and keep determined. When did all of this happen? Some thousands of years back, I would have several children and be gathering berries for a living. Now, life revolves around papers and studying and getting in to colleges and then finding careers. Things are so complicated. I was talking to my uncle and he is a big anti-ritalin activist. You know, Ritalin, the stuff they give to people with a "chemical inbalance" to help them "focus" on what's "important." WOW! They haven't found that chemical, they aren't balancing that chemical. They are just giving children a mild dose of SPEED, to make everyone's lives easier. No, forget giving kids more attention, or trying to teach them in a more effective way. LET'S PUT 'EM ON DRUGS AND POSSIBILY SCREW THEM UP FOR LIFE. Hold on a second, I just totally lost my train of thought here, how did I start talking about ritalin. Haha, I'm so prone to tangents, yargh. Oh well.. I still have that paper to
Anyway, all in all. I do not want to write this thing. I hate how its important to my life. I hate how I made that "choice" not to start sooner. I hate and resent many things these days.. ah, the constant joys of adolescence.
