mental ulcer..cry..

[transomwhiplass]

GOD... GOD.. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!! >_< I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.. IT JUST SUCKS... I HATE MY TEACHERS, I HATE MY CLASSES, I AM ON THE VERGE OF HATING MYSELF... I just.. can't get anything right anymore.. no one will give me a break.. the world just sucks at the moment and I wish I could leave it for a while and come back later when things are better.. there just isn't a place in the world for and all-round, completely normal, no real distinguishing personalitied person right now.. you can get scholarships for talent.. but I have no real interests... you can get scholarships for intelligence.. but there are always girls smarter to get those and my average seems to be plummeting daily.. I don't think I could get in anywhere because from my application.. it looks like I am just in the middle.. no one wants "in the middle"... Algebra is picking up.. yay for me.. I understand logs.. if that can save my average and I can get a 92.. I will be able to breathe.. chemistry.. I thought I was doing well.. except for that last quiz.. we take that STUPID-ass science olympiad seemingly to just make me feel bad about how much I've forgotten or don't know.. I MEAN.. EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TODAY OF ALL DAYS.. then we get our averages.. 76.1 and I mean.. what the fuck.. seriously no abbrevation.. I felt like some one dropped cement on my head and then used a sledge hammer to break it off.. so I go get my folder.. the last quiz .. 81 better than I expected.. so what murdered my average? the quiz before it.. a 52.. I couldn't believe it.. my head is still swimming.. I just.. feel so awful.. and I can't make myself feel better.. usually when I freak out.. I just have to cry.. but I can't no matter how hard I try.. I can't induce anything... when I just want to get it over with... english.. oh fun.. the quiz was like another beating.. being slashed at while you have tripped and fallen in the mud.. I didn't know half the answers.. I read the book during spring break.. I didn't study.. I guess screw me, right? Now.. the world history open lab.. salvation from an essay test I didn't really study for.. is it a reward for all my punishment... or some kind of purgatory so I can bask in my sins of being me.. and no, for anyone who is concerned.. I don't plan on taking my own life or anything like that.. I'm just.... so upset.. I was glad to get to school on time.. we left at 7:40.. very lucky.. I am glad my family is ok.. I am glad I finally got to sleep last night.. I am glad I am learning to drive.. I am glad everyone in my family will be gone this weekend, my party will be happening.. I am glad that I haven't been pushed over the edge, yet, because otherwise merideth spencer would be lying in a pool of her own blood after I stabbed her with my pen for saying some really mean things in general.. I am glad I have some people that want to hang around even when I freak out.. and I think thats all I'm glad for right now.. hm.. thanks for talking to me for a while emma.. it was reassuring since I am kinda lost right now.. I don't know.. I've been feeling sorta ignored lately.. our group expands and shrinks everyday.. I need the stablity.. things are loud.. new opinions are rampant.. once again I am outspoken.. I think I've run out of things to say.. I've come off as self-centered.. no one wants to hear my cry for attention.. I feel deserted because everyone seems to have found a new best friend.. I am .. a leftover I think.. someone will find me in the refrigerator if they really want.. but untill then.. I will just sit there .. bang

Comments

[thiswaskansas.livejournal.com]

"no one wants to hear my cry for attention"
yes they do(!) i promise.
feel better.. or.. i'll kick your ass. (i promise that too.. lol.)

no bang.