why oh why
Jan. 21st, 2003 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transomwhiplassI feel sick right now. I don't think that I'm one of those really deep inner-self searchers, but I have such a heavy heart right now. My soul has ebola.
Things were going really fantastic earlier. American Idol is great, I love it, it's the funniest thing ever. But the high I got from watching Simon shatter dreams and tell people they sucked, totally flushed down the drain.
As I was getting on the computer my mom was like, "I don't know how to tell you this.." I thought I was in serious muy crapito right then. Then she says, "I got a copy of your live journal" blah blah blah "stop using real names" blah blah blah. I was like... ready to die on the spot, I thought: my god, my life is over.. I'm getting kicked out of SAA.. my parents have been notified by the dean, what the fuck am I going to do. I had other various things fly through my head I'd rather not think about. As it turns out, it wasn't through an e-mail, my dad just googled some shit about me, found the link and sent it to my mom. My question is, what the fuck?
My parents have never bothered me about anything whatsoever. I know they just have concern for me, but every single fucking time I manage to forget this shit I accidently got sucked into by a capricious spoiled brat, at the mercy of her whim, my mom manages to remind me that I am treading through murky water and I better watch my step. People who know me, know that I am a trouble paranoid freak. If there is the slight off chance I might get a bad look from a teacher, or something, I freak out, always. Isn't it ironic how I could wind up in more trouble than any of my friends?? I don't think so, so much anymore, but my mom keeps giving me these huge doubts, if she doesn't stop, I will be forced out of SAA, because I need to go to the mental institution instead. I can't deal with this, so I choose not to. I'm not in trouble, I'm staying away from the right people, so why don't I get to get away from this. I'm sick being this pawn someone is willing to sacrifice for her own satisfaction. I just, just can't deal with this.. I want to throw up or just give up. This isn't even about me, I shouldn't be in trouble, if anything I'm a witness. The only thing against me is an incriminating statement I made to comfort someone, that wasn't true at all, something I would never think to do, ever.
My privacy has been sacrificed. Something I usually take for granted, and don't mind. I leave my journal open for any passer by to check out and comment on. I don't care, I've never been harrassed, it doesn't hurt anyone, most importantly me. If I want to share "my" story, that is my own goddamn right that no one will ever take away from me. What would you do? My LJ, is the story of me. Not much else, sure it lists people I have contact with, but I do try to keep stuff quiet, usually, for their privacy as well. I understand that because I choose to reveal me, doesn't mean I choose that for them. I try to keep others privacy, and I have never felt the need to resort to aliases, or any crap like that. Now that is what seems to be facing me.
I understand, this is on the internet, everyone and their mom can see what I write. Everyone can form an opinion on me, and those and that which I choose to type about, all from my subjective opinion. Do I have a responsibility to keep this private? Maybe, but free speech folks, free speech. Anyway, I never post anything hate filled I don't think or anything that the average human being freak out over. This journal is like, PG-13 at most, that much because of language. It's hard not to swear when you are pissed. But basically, this is the stretched out recollections of a teenage girl with a really bad memory. I'd like to remember things from high school. You want to steal my memories, you are the sickest person I know, ever. Unfortunatly that is what stuff seems to be coming to.
I'm saddened by all of this. It may be public, but it is my journal. The only people who read my journal are friends, and random LJers, generally. People who have their own LJ's usually have a certain degree of respect for other journalers. I won't mess with you, don't mess with me, mindset. It's good that way. What really messes things up, is when insiders find themselves in this world they really don't understand. They find it foreign and uncomfortable, and will do anything to shut that universe down. That is what I have found. Of course, some people do missuse their journals. I know a few who use this as a way to yell at people they are upset with, and a way of gathering ammo against former friends. People who find their way through AIM info and other things are as bad as those. I see how LJ has become a major seperating unit between certain peoples, I think it depended on those people and their relationship with their journal. I'm getting a bit less coherent, all in all, some treat LJ as their own way to send instant revenge notes and what not. But again, besides these "outsiders" the only strangers who gather an opinion on me are those who hit the "Random" link under "Find Users." A feature many use when they are bored. People seldom linger, if I get any comments, its on my layout, which I am proud of and like to share.
Here is what the "outsiders" seem to want from me. They want me to stop naming names, instead resort to a more anonymous approach, or something. Others want me to censor my thoughts and comments so I don't embarress me, them, or organizations. Here is a factoid about me: there are billions of things no one knows about me or would even guess. I am complicated, people think they know me, but I'm they don't. I may seem extremely open with my journal, but the fact is that, I don't post nearly as much as what is on my mind. I would never think of posting that, ever. But what I don't post, is stuff my friends don't know, and I don't want them to know. I'm not paranoid, but I don't feel like writing out my most intimate thoughts. They aren't intimate if they are out, the only way I can stay me, is keeping that info in my head. I know that is off topic, but that is what I'd like to say. I don't want to censor what I write, I hate anonymous posts, hypothetical comments, and code words, its confusing and bizzare, I would just loose my mind and stop writing, furthering my mental unrest.
My mom says I'm a good writer and I have a good story to tell. I don't believe her but I feel that I have that right to express myself. Daily practice writing helps the skills I don't frequently practice, in my opinion, so this even serves an academic purpose. She says that is the reason she hasn't really restricted this, or got in my way. She never really has. I'm sick inside, that this is the first time, I've ever been like, "restricted" by my parents. Usually, I am so cautious they actually want me to break some rules and "live a little." I hope this blows over, and everyone forgets. I'm not in trouble yet, I don't think I will be, unless someone makes a big deal of something I am very indirectly connected to.
I am upset that the "school" knows about LJ. I'm worried for that, I worried about what I don't know is going on in the administration office. I don't know what is being written down in records, I don't know what is being passed among the faculty. I feel abused, and sick. I'm tired and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to except for myself, she is very confused right now so I don't know which way is up or down.
I am upset that my "school" which until Thursday I was proud to be a part of, and still some what am (that is dwindling now, thanks to events), seems to think that I am a "shame to the school." Wow, I am a shame to the school. Me, Sarah, goody goody, honor roll girl, shy, never says a frikkin' word, terrified of everything, largest fear getting a bad rap and having a rumor circulated about her. I am a shame to my school, after everything I have tried to do for it. I have recommended it to girls I know, shamelessly recruting, because as much as I don't like the idea of "school" in general, I did have a respect of loving for "my school." After all, I chose to go, my decision, what I wanted. I didn't want to go to the local high school, even though it was rated one of the best in Texas. I chose to be part of something else, and chose to live up to that "tradition" they wanted us to do. I did everything they told me, and look what is happening to me. If anyone asked me how I liked it, I would tell them flat out, how much liked it, and how much I love being there. It was the truth. I have had some of the greatest times, I have met some of the greatest people, I have met some of my largest goals, I have learned a tremendous deal. How did I become a shame to the school and commit the worst sin against it, in my dean's opinion?? I comforted a classmate, in the way I do. The way, I do. Any other way, would be hypocritical. I spoke in my way, my vernacular. I don't lie to friends, if they are in pain, I do my best to comfort them in the way the understand me to do. People know I'm rude when I am angry, I make exaggerated comments, that when taken out of context can seriously be read the wrong way. I have a quick mouth that really hasn't gotten me in trouble till now, but I don't know if I am really in trouble. I am me, this is how I talk. I was read the wrong way by someone who doesn't know anything about me, or anything about what is going on. Just for the point, its like they are reading Huck Finn without seeing what Mark Twain was getting at. I might get banned, for talking like my generation, for just being me. I might get banned for my commentary of situations, sure its not just "as-is" like Huck, left for interpretation. I do slip in opinions, but people need to think about that. I feel totally innocent, borrowing from Bernie Mac, my "sin cup" is clean. But I feel like someone is pointing and screaming, "WITCH WITCH!" at me. All in all, I don't feel like I am a shame to my school at all. I do everything I can to support the morals they want me to put out. Until Thursday, I felt it reciprocated that care for me, that I showed for it, the respect, and privacy I showed for it. I was blown out of the water when I found out all it was aiming at was trying to save it's own ass. They didn't care about me, they just didn't want the bad PR, oh, but forget all the good I forwarded to it. Forget the praise I gave to girls I knew, forget that, forget how I lead potential freshman around talking about the school. Forget how I repped at open house, with only the most hearty of praise. Forget that, I am a shame. It saddens me that something used to really hold a place in my heart, would say something like that. I'm sorry they believe lies and burn the innocents, I'm sorry that teenage hormones exist. I'm sorry people break up, I'm sorry people feel the need to harrass, I'm sorry I don't surpress these emotions. I'm sorry I can't write a private journal, it just never worked for me. This is me, this is what I am, if my school chooses to think of a person like me as shame, I guess there is nothing to do, except maybe explore what I am up against.
Again, I am this shame plauging the halls. Me. What I hear, what I know about the school, is the reputation the adults never hear, something they would cry over. I am not what is working against the school, and I will be sickened if they spend time investing in this, calling ME the shame, when so much more goes on. One of the more notable reputations is held by my own class, the notorious "cheating ring" which hurts me, seriously. Girls in my class, clearly cheat, there is something very odd in how unusually high the GPA's are. I try, I do what I can, I don't cheat. I am punished in rank and in opinion because there are many girls with 4.0+'s, yes there are smart girls, but it is a hard school. From what I hear, the school is also well notorious for having many "easy" girls. Apparently the surpressed Catholic school girl stereotype is somewhat well-founded. What else do I hear, the outrageous parties, "Junior Girls" whatever that is, the secret club apparently at the school. From what I manage to pick up, they have lots of alchohol and stuff there, doing all sorts of things with low supervision, but wait, I am the shame here. Stories of girls doing drugs, shoplifting at Disney World, I am the shame. The students at the school have a deep underlying "honor code" which found amusing, as in individual classes we got a lecture in the true "honor code" to the school. The honor code to not cheat the school, ourselves, or others. Girls don't talk much about breaking the rules, though it happens in mass. Even though it is under raps from adults and what not, even certain students, other people find out. People at public school thing oh yeah, "those girls." They don't know me from the world, yet they know about these parties and the reputation. Oh, and certainly not to forget the smoking. From what I find, many MANY girls smoke at school, no one ever talks about it, it is very hush hush. But smoking is all over the school, girls who do it in their cars, and whatever. The school is known for this, among crowds, important crowds. Yet I am the shame, not the cheating, smoking, "easy" girls that run around free. At my school, money matters, as long as daddy has a full, loose wallet, you can do anything and be fine. Completely anonymous, now who isn't following the "honor code" now who is cheating the other students. I'm sick with my school's behaviour, I'm sick of being though a shame when all this flies around. As soon as you kick out all those girls, sure, come get me, till then, the school is the hypocrite.
I'm much disturbed and not in trouble to my knowledge, but as each second ticks away I get more and more paranoid. In what I tried to say here, I tried to be as coherent and honest as possible. I'm tired of feeling like this. All in all, I don't think my journal is a threat to me, anyone, or "worst of all" the school. In the one and a million shot that someone reads this, from really reading about me not just a comment (since deleted), they would find what I hope is a thoughtful, intelligent person. With well developed opinions, seriousness, but a large sense of humor. Someone who is open, who challenges things, someone who breaks a few molds. Someone who doesn't maintain the stereotypes, and is just happy to be herself most of the time. That's who I am, that's what this journal about, and if you think that person is a shame to the school and bringing unwanted rumors to the school. It's no longer an organization I would want to be part of. I just hope that this blows over, it was just a stupid thing I wish I was never really involved in. I hope they see that I am trying my best to live their rules and set a good example. I hope they realize this, and feel upset for calling me, a shame to the school.
I'm tired, I feel better. The more I typed the worse I felt, until the ending really. I don't feel at fault, and if they want to hurt me for it, they have no real case. I don't plan on censoring this journal much, I will try with names. I don't want to hurt anyone's privacy. This is the first bit of trouble I've seen and I'm not going to delete or censor myself because people don't like it. This is about me, not you. If people come here and read, its basically to see how I'm doing, not on my biased opinions which they will make choices and prejudices off of. Ha, I wish I had that much influence, but I don't. I'd like to finish by saying, people hear what they want to hear in the end. If they want to hear the good, that's all they hear. If they wan't to hear the bad opinion, that's all they'll find. I don't make choices for other people, I can't be held accountable. I can speak for myself, and I do and that is mostly good. If I tried to be happy all the time, that would be hypocritical. I am very anti-hypocritical as I think is easily percieved. This is a journal, it may be online, but its a journal, my buisness. By taking advantage of my trust for others, and using my thoughts against me, you are the one at fault. If you wan't to scar another human being, forcing a very seriously introverted person farther into her shell of self-isolation, go ahead. Just make sure you know who you are doing it to, and why, because what goes around comes around, seriously.
Things were going really fantastic earlier. American Idol is great, I love it, it's the funniest thing ever. But the high I got from watching Simon shatter dreams and tell people they sucked, totally flushed down the drain.
As I was getting on the computer my mom was like, "I don't know how to tell you this.." I thought I was in serious muy crapito right then. Then she says, "I got a copy of your live journal" blah blah blah "stop using real names" blah blah blah. I was like... ready to die on the spot, I thought: my god, my life is over.. I'm getting kicked out of SAA.. my parents have been notified by the dean, what the fuck am I going to do. I had other various things fly through my head I'd rather not think about. As it turns out, it wasn't through an e-mail, my dad just googled some shit about me, found the link and sent it to my mom. My question is, what the fuck?
My parents have never bothered me about anything whatsoever. I know they just have concern for me, but every single fucking time I manage to forget this shit I accidently got sucked into by a capricious spoiled brat, at the mercy of her whim, my mom manages to remind me that I am treading through murky water and I better watch my step. People who know me, know that I am a trouble paranoid freak. If there is the slight off chance I might get a bad look from a teacher, or something, I freak out, always. Isn't it ironic how I could wind up in more trouble than any of my friends?? I don't think so, so much anymore, but my mom keeps giving me these huge doubts, if she doesn't stop, I will be forced out of SAA, because I need to go to the mental institution instead. I can't deal with this, so I choose not to. I'm not in trouble, I'm staying away from the right people, so why don't I get to get away from this. I'm sick being this pawn someone is willing to sacrifice for her own satisfaction. I just, just can't deal with this.. I want to throw up or just give up. This isn't even about me, I shouldn't be in trouble, if anything I'm a witness. The only thing against me is an incriminating statement I made to comfort someone, that wasn't true at all, something I would never think to do, ever.
My privacy has been sacrificed. Something I usually take for granted, and don't mind. I leave my journal open for any passer by to check out and comment on. I don't care, I've never been harrassed, it doesn't hurt anyone, most importantly me. If I want to share "my" story, that is my own goddamn right that no one will ever take away from me. What would you do? My LJ, is the story of me. Not much else, sure it lists people I have contact with, but I do try to keep stuff quiet, usually, for their privacy as well. I understand that because I choose to reveal me, doesn't mean I choose that for them. I try to keep others privacy, and I have never felt the need to resort to aliases, or any crap like that. Now that is what seems to be facing me.
I understand, this is on the internet, everyone and their mom can see what I write. Everyone can form an opinion on me, and those and that which I choose to type about, all from my subjective opinion. Do I have a responsibility to keep this private? Maybe, but free speech folks, free speech. Anyway, I never post anything hate filled I don't think or anything that the average human being freak out over. This journal is like, PG-13 at most, that much because of language. It's hard not to swear when you are pissed. But basically, this is the stretched out recollections of a teenage girl with a really bad memory. I'd like to remember things from high school. You want to steal my memories, you are the sickest person I know, ever. Unfortunatly that is what stuff seems to be coming to.
I'm saddened by all of this. It may be public, but it is my journal. The only people who read my journal are friends, and random LJers, generally. People who have their own LJ's usually have a certain degree of respect for other journalers. I won't mess with you, don't mess with me, mindset. It's good that way. What really messes things up, is when insiders find themselves in this world they really don't understand. They find it foreign and uncomfortable, and will do anything to shut that universe down. That is what I have found. Of course, some people do missuse their journals. I know a few who use this as a way to yell at people they are upset with, and a way of gathering ammo against former friends. People who find their way through AIM info and other things are as bad as those. I see how LJ has become a major seperating unit between certain peoples, I think it depended on those people and their relationship with their journal. I'm getting a bit less coherent, all in all, some treat LJ as their own way to send instant revenge notes and what not. But again, besides these "outsiders" the only strangers who gather an opinion on me are those who hit the "Random" link under "Find Users." A feature many use when they are bored. People seldom linger, if I get any comments, its on my layout, which I am proud of and like to share.
Here is what the "outsiders" seem to want from me. They want me to stop naming names, instead resort to a more anonymous approach, or something. Others want me to censor my thoughts and comments so I don't embarress me, them, or organizations. Here is a factoid about me: there are billions of things no one knows about me or would even guess. I am complicated, people think they know me, but I'm they don't. I may seem extremely open with my journal, but the fact is that, I don't post nearly as much as what is on my mind. I would never think of posting that, ever. But what I don't post, is stuff my friends don't know, and I don't want them to know. I'm not paranoid, but I don't feel like writing out my most intimate thoughts. They aren't intimate if they are out, the only way I can stay me, is keeping that info in my head. I know that is off topic, but that is what I'd like to say. I don't want to censor what I write, I hate anonymous posts, hypothetical comments, and code words, its confusing and bizzare, I would just loose my mind and stop writing, furthering my mental unrest.
My mom says I'm a good writer and I have a good story to tell. I don't believe her but I feel that I have that right to express myself. Daily practice writing helps the skills I don't frequently practice, in my opinion, so this even serves an academic purpose. She says that is the reason she hasn't really restricted this, or got in my way. She never really has. I'm sick inside, that this is the first time, I've ever been like, "restricted" by my parents. Usually, I am so cautious they actually want me to break some rules and "live a little." I hope this blows over, and everyone forgets. I'm not in trouble yet, I don't think I will be, unless someone makes a big deal of something I am very indirectly connected to.
I am upset that the "school" knows about LJ. I'm worried for that, I worried about what I don't know is going on in the administration office. I don't know what is being written down in records, I don't know what is being passed among the faculty. I feel abused, and sick. I'm tired and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to except for myself, she is very confused right now so I don't know which way is up or down.
I am upset that my "school" which until Thursday I was proud to be a part of, and still some what am (that is dwindling now, thanks to events), seems to think that I am a "shame to the school." Wow, I am a shame to the school. Me, Sarah, goody goody, honor roll girl, shy, never says a frikkin' word, terrified of everything, largest fear getting a bad rap and having a rumor circulated about her. I am a shame to my school, after everything I have tried to do for it. I have recommended it to girls I know, shamelessly recruting, because as much as I don't like the idea of "school" in general, I did have a respect of loving for "my school." After all, I chose to go, my decision, what I wanted. I didn't want to go to the local high school, even though it was rated one of the best in Texas. I chose to be part of something else, and chose to live up to that "tradition" they wanted us to do. I did everything they told me, and look what is happening to me. If anyone asked me how I liked it, I would tell them flat out, how much liked it, and how much I love being there. It was the truth. I have had some of the greatest times, I have met some of the greatest people, I have met some of my largest goals, I have learned a tremendous deal. How did I become a shame to the school and commit the worst sin against it, in my dean's opinion?? I comforted a classmate, in the way I do. The way, I do. Any other way, would be hypocritical. I spoke in my way, my vernacular. I don't lie to friends, if they are in pain, I do my best to comfort them in the way the understand me to do. People know I'm rude when I am angry, I make exaggerated comments, that when taken out of context can seriously be read the wrong way. I have a quick mouth that really hasn't gotten me in trouble till now, but I don't know if I am really in trouble. I am me, this is how I talk. I was read the wrong way by someone who doesn't know anything about me, or anything about what is going on. Just for the point, its like they are reading Huck Finn without seeing what Mark Twain was getting at. I might get banned, for talking like my generation, for just being me. I might get banned for my commentary of situations, sure its not just "as-is" like Huck, left for interpretation. I do slip in opinions, but people need to think about that. I feel totally innocent, borrowing from Bernie Mac, my "sin cup" is clean. But I feel like someone is pointing and screaming, "WITCH WITCH!" at me. All in all, I don't feel like I am a shame to my school at all. I do everything I can to support the morals they want me to put out. Until Thursday, I felt it reciprocated that care for me, that I showed for it, the respect, and privacy I showed for it. I was blown out of the water when I found out all it was aiming at was trying to save it's own ass. They didn't care about me, they just didn't want the bad PR, oh, but forget all the good I forwarded to it. Forget the praise I gave to girls I knew, forget that, forget how I lead potential freshman around talking about the school. Forget how I repped at open house, with only the most hearty of praise. Forget that, I am a shame. It saddens me that something used to really hold a place in my heart, would say something like that. I'm sorry they believe lies and burn the innocents, I'm sorry that teenage hormones exist. I'm sorry people break up, I'm sorry people feel the need to harrass, I'm sorry I don't surpress these emotions. I'm sorry I can't write a private journal, it just never worked for me. This is me, this is what I am, if my school chooses to think of a person like me as shame, I guess there is nothing to do, except maybe explore what I am up against.
Again, I am this shame plauging the halls. Me. What I hear, what I know about the school, is the reputation the adults never hear, something they would cry over. I am not what is working against the school, and I will be sickened if they spend time investing in this, calling ME the shame, when so much more goes on. One of the more notable reputations is held by my own class, the notorious "cheating ring" which hurts me, seriously. Girls in my class, clearly cheat, there is something very odd in how unusually high the GPA's are. I try, I do what I can, I don't cheat. I am punished in rank and in opinion because there are many girls with 4.0+'s, yes there are smart girls, but it is a hard school. From what I hear, the school is also well notorious for having many "easy" girls. Apparently the surpressed Catholic school girl stereotype is somewhat well-founded. What else do I hear, the outrageous parties, "Junior Girls" whatever that is, the secret club apparently at the school. From what I manage to pick up, they have lots of alchohol and stuff there, doing all sorts of things with low supervision, but wait, I am the shame here. Stories of girls doing drugs, shoplifting at Disney World, I am the shame. The students at the school have a deep underlying "honor code" which found amusing, as in individual classes we got a lecture in the true "honor code" to the school. The honor code to not cheat the school, ourselves, or others. Girls don't talk much about breaking the rules, though it happens in mass. Even though it is under raps from adults and what not, even certain students, other people find out. People at public school thing oh yeah, "those girls." They don't know me from the world, yet they know about these parties and the reputation. Oh, and certainly not to forget the smoking. From what I find, many MANY girls smoke at school, no one ever talks about it, it is very hush hush. But smoking is all over the school, girls who do it in their cars, and whatever. The school is known for this, among crowds, important crowds. Yet I am the shame, not the cheating, smoking, "easy" girls that run around free. At my school, money matters, as long as daddy has a full, loose wallet, you can do anything and be fine. Completely anonymous, now who isn't following the "honor code" now who is cheating the other students. I'm sick with my school's behaviour, I'm sick of being though a shame when all this flies around. As soon as you kick out all those girls, sure, come get me, till then, the school is the hypocrite.
I'm much disturbed and not in trouble to my knowledge, but as each second ticks away I get more and more paranoid. In what I tried to say here, I tried to be as coherent and honest as possible. I'm tired of feeling like this. All in all, I don't think my journal is a threat to me, anyone, or "worst of all" the school. In the one and a million shot that someone reads this, from really reading about me not just a comment (since deleted), they would find what I hope is a thoughtful, intelligent person. With well developed opinions, seriousness, but a large sense of humor. Someone who is open, who challenges things, someone who breaks a few molds. Someone who doesn't maintain the stereotypes, and is just happy to be herself most of the time. That's who I am, that's what this journal about, and if you think that person is a shame to the school and bringing unwanted rumors to the school. It's no longer an organization I would want to be part of. I just hope that this blows over, it was just a stupid thing I wish I was never really involved in. I hope they see that I am trying my best to live their rules and set a good example. I hope they realize this, and feel upset for calling me, a shame to the school.
I'm tired, I feel better. The more I typed the worse I felt, until the ending really. I don't feel at fault, and if they want to hurt me for it, they have no real case. I don't plan on censoring this journal much, I will try with names. I don't want to hurt anyone's privacy. This is the first bit of trouble I've seen and I'm not going to delete or censor myself because people don't like it. This is about me, not you. If people come here and read, its basically to see how I'm doing, not on my biased opinions which they will make choices and prejudices off of. Ha, I wish I had that much influence, but I don't. I'd like to finish by saying, people hear what they want to hear in the end. If they want to hear the good, that's all they hear. If they wan't to hear the bad opinion, that's all they'll find. I don't make choices for other people, I can't be held accountable. I can speak for myself, and I do and that is mostly good. If I tried to be happy all the time, that would be hypocritical. I am very anti-hypocritical as I think is easily percieved. This is a journal, it may be online, but its a journal, my buisness. By taking advantage of my trust for others, and using my thoughts against me, you are the one at fault. If you wan't to scar another human being, forcing a very seriously introverted person farther into her shell of self-isolation, go ahead. Just make sure you know who you are doing it to, and why, because what goes around comes around, seriously.
