it started out "i'm sorry"

[transomwhiplass]

that was the title of the deleted post. it started off with a reflection..

Whenever I need an apology, I can never find one.. whenever I don't want them, I get to many..

People apologize to me.. and I really don't know what it means anymore.. I don't want anyone to be sorry for having problems.. its usually not your fault.. you have nothing to be sorry for.. you really arent.. so don't say it..

mary, you apologize before you knew I was mad.... what sort of purpose is that supposed to show?? Its fake.. it doesn't mean anything.. in fact.. your "apology" irked me more than your comment did...

don't ever say sorry with out meaning it.. without knowing why you are saying it.. be able to say at least 150 words about why you are sorry and describe the situation..

mary.. no we did NOT talk... you have no idea.. you don't know what I wanted to say at all.. I stumbled out stupid phrases that really didn't mean anything.. I still need to talk to you.. we haven't talked yet... I don't know when I can do it.. I already tried in person and those stumbled phrases took an imense deal of emotional energy to mutter out.... I try in person and you are so easily distracted.. I can't in LJ.. because you never read the whole thing, if at all.. I can't of AIM.. you usually start ignoring me.. oh.. and you can't get personal online.... THIS IS SOMETHING I WORRY ABOUT.... it has never been this hard to talk to you before, I don't feel as comfortable as I used to, not to mention, you are never available even when the conversation is ABOUT YOU.. I don't know what more I can do..

I have many things on my shoulders and I really need to get offline and study..

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