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I can't describe how much this last week has sucked..... I just can't.... I don't have the vocabulary or the energy to go through it all..... it just sucked so much...... then it sucked some more.....and when ya thought it couldn't suck anymore...... it did........ then at the end..... it crapped it all out in your face......
Last week was so draining.. I just feel so beat... and its terrible because I have a very similar week ahead... Elizabeth Carlson may think I'm a bitch but I'm so happy she backstabbed me till she got that article.... otherwise I might be the one hovering between this world and the next with a sharp object in my hand... I want to state that is not at all a taunt of anyone..... everyone is coming out with their suicidal moments.... I've had my share..... I'm a wimp though... thats a good thing... I hate pain and I don't see having my last seconds filled with that... enough of the morbid, eh? Anyway yeah.... 3 articles and I would have been really freaked out k..
We seem to have lost 2 in the matters concerning last week.... I actually had written a coherent piece of art, if I say so myself, before LJ ate it... Ugh! so yes... I am in great distress, I have never in my life had two people I thought were friends hate eachother so much... or at least act like they do... or "severly dislike" I don't know what you want to call it.... but my friends are fighting and it hurts.... it hurts on the inside... I feel sick to my stomach at lunch.... its so quiet... we don't do anything..... let me just say.... I'm not afraid to admit it..... we talked about peter the whole time.. the whole time..... geez.... it seriously felt like someone was poking a gaping wound.... I don't remember if it was good or bad stuff... I'm sure mostly bad..... but still. I have my disagreements with peter... I think when he was pissed off with me, he had some good reason for it.. but I think his attacks on my other friends were less called for.. so I'm not sure what I think.. when it first happened.... I wanted to impale him and stick him in front of SAA and SJ... probably with a nasty sign attached.... but the more I thought about it... and the more I watched my other friends contemplate their own means of revenge.... I just realized how immature this all is.... I'm not calling anyone immature... I'm calling everyone immature.... so that is just what I feel...
Stuff sucks..... (for most of us) its junior year... the homework is piling on.... we are almost in the second quarter... introduction to our classes has come to a halt and we are now expected to meet the call of our school work to get that education our parents are paying for.. we are all getting crushed.. we all want to snap... we need the help of others to keep the world from squashing us... its incredibly hard... let me take this in term of a metaphor (so I can express myself as I only can with bad metaphors) involving a video game (now I'm talking some people's vernacular)... its Zelda: Majora's Mask... its the games climax... the 4 giants are holding up the moon so it doesnt crush the world and kill everyone in a horrible bloody way.. uhm.. so think of it this way.... we are the giants... and we are all trying to support the moon (just the world in general) without getting crushed... the moon's getting heavier and some of the giants are like... poking eachother?? ok..this is just getting incredibly stupid..... we are supposed to work together... instead we are beating up on eachother.... it just seems ridiculous to me.. sorry for that metaphor.... cannot apologize enough
My Moon, World (ha.. the horror continues): I'm trying to juggle 2 articles, pre-cal, AP English (where I have not a flying fuck of a clue what's going on... nor do I really care), and various events requiring my responsiblity on my calendar. Every night... I write out a post-it of the next day's schedule... I stick in on my agenda book so I don't forget even the mundane tasks... which I seem to do really often.. what I wish... is that my accomplishments would make me happier.. when ever I seem to do something good.... its like... fantastic for the second.. but then its like... wait.... I have to go worry about this... no one else seems to care either... things I care about.... they get done... and the whole.... I don't know, meaning is gone? I wish I had more support in my life... I wish I did... instead of having my friends to help support my universe.... you guys have seemingly jumped up into my load... I love you all...... and I want to help you so badly... I would never think of turning my back on you.... but I am only so strong an individual..... I've been pulled so tight... any more pressure... I'm going to snap.... Newton does not lie my friends... seriously.... I just feel so warped right now.... my dad doesnt seem to give a rat's ass about my history test.... I told him.. its a 100... the only 100... the highest grade in the class, the highest grade in all her classes....it was a Strake A for god's sake. All he said..... was it an honors class? Nothing I do is good enough for anyone....everyone is so demanding and greedy...... I spend all my time working these days and sleeping.... yeah....i have been procrastinating a lot.. I watch a shitload of TV... I've lost devotion... in 7th grade... I would cry if I was up past 11.... I would cry until I finished what I was doing... in 8th grade, I would cry after 12.... I have not been to sleep before 12 once in more days than I could possibly count.... today I came home hungry.. had soup... the soup totally expanded.. I got sick and I ended up falling asleep for several hours... I'm glad Zoch canceled the test.... er.. moved it... I have to mention something barely related to that
In morality.. we have daily journal's that ms doyle just makes up, today's topic was: "how has god touched your life today?" and first of all... I dont really feel christian.... so anything good I'd have to say.. I wouldn't think of it as an act of god.. I wrote two things.. "My latin teacher moved our test... that maybe could be considered and act of god" and "at least one of my friends has left our group this week.... I don't know how it is an act of god except that if it was god.. he probably took him away so we (my friends) wouldn't rub of on him... but I don't see how that could be divine intervention... I feel I have lost a friend because I wasn't 'catholic' enough.... and that sucks divinely".. I swear to you thats what I wrote... I will probably get sent to ms miller and mr mcglaun.. and I will probably get at least one exorcism.... but I feel so small right now.... I just can't bear this....
About not being catholic at a catholic school: they say it doesn't matter on your application.. but thats really not true... and I realize that I have totally milked this being born catholic thing till the cow died... (sorry..these metaphors...they just get worse dont they??)... I don't think that anyone deserves not to be educated... no matter how non-catholic they are. There was talk of opinions that involved "having about half the school kicked out" or something along those lines.... if you kicked out non-catholics.... the school would be much smaller... and so close minded..... think about if everyone thought the same way... lived by the exact same priniciples... its already a war of the clone's at SAA... it doesn't need to resemble a Nazi like regime.... I understand that the individual who said this.. was probably referring to those other individuals... probably including me... that dishonor the catholic religion... the girl with the cookie like a host and stuff..... let me state some things about life, school, and being a teenager:
In these years you will experience most of the following: you will be really stressed out, you probably will contemplate suicide, you will fight with friends, your parents will suck at some point, you will enjoy breaking rules at some point-if not big...then, the very little, nothing you do will be good enough, there will always be someone riding your ass, you will say hundreds of things that you don't mean in thoase years, you will regret lots but not regret more, you only get one set of high school years (uh.. in normal cases), even though you are so freaked out and hormones have made you the psychological equivalent of a rabid cat: you are still expected of
You will be told many of the following: its not so bad, suck it up, its easy, I can't believe you thought ___ was hard, you are stupid, I hate you, you are immature, you are terrible, we aren't compatible, I don't like you that way, you aren't my type, get a job, but also, geez.. that was hard, i totally get where you are coming from, im here for you, lets help eachother out next time, you are so smart, I love you, you are so mature, you like...so get me, you have gone beyond my wildest expectations, im proud of you... and the list goes on
Being a teen sucks a lot.... but what I try to remember... these are my years of having wrinkle-free skin, no white hairs to worry about, and generally having a higher energy level ... when you are 30.. you will think.... where did the time go... I would give my first born to be 17 again.....you wont remember how much it sucked... or at least most of it... you will remember what totally rocked.... how great it was being young and alive.... so my goal is to live a thourough young life... where I regret as little as possible and live it up so much that I can't wait to settle down... I want it to give me a life time high so I dont have to look in the mirror and suffer withdrawl.... thats my goal... but ya.. whatever
I dont want to dismiss everything thats happening as normal..... these are the tragedies that are our lives.... we have gotten on eachothers nerves, lines have been crossed, cubans have snuck into florida, the whole shpeel... I just.... I can't understand why we can't be friends.... maybe I am incredibly naive... I have no idea whats going on.. all I know.... is my friend are fighting... they are at eachothers necks when they could be embracing? I may be acting to "opomistic" (im sorry... that typo was way to funny.. it sounds like a characteristic one gets from opium) but thats what I see.... I want one side to realize that they love their friends and they can't even deal with losing one... and the other side to realize that the lord's prayer says "we forgive those who trespass against us".... life's to short to fight. I guess, though, that some of you think we are best off seperated.... all I can think of is why we can't stop talking about the other side and that other side is off I don't know where but not with us.... so yeah....
I missed dharma & greg... merry meet that fucker.... oh well...... now I'm all peppy cause I have 4 hours of sleep on me... eh... it will pull be through my homework..... gosh this is long.. eep...
Last week was so draining.. I just feel so beat... and its terrible because I have a very similar week ahead... Elizabeth Carlson may think I'm a bitch but I'm so happy she backstabbed me till she got that article.... otherwise I might be the one hovering between this world and the next with a sharp object in my hand... I want to state that is not at all a taunt of anyone..... everyone is coming out with their suicidal moments.... I've had my share..... I'm a wimp though... thats a good thing... I hate pain and I don't see having my last seconds filled with that... enough of the morbid, eh? Anyway yeah.... 3 articles and I would have been really freaked out k..
We seem to have lost 2 in the matters concerning last week.... I actually had written a coherent piece of art, if I say so myself, before LJ ate it... Ugh! so yes... I am in great distress, I have never in my life had two people I thought were friends hate eachother so much... or at least act like they do... or "severly dislike" I don't know what you want to call it.... but my friends are fighting and it hurts.... it hurts on the inside... I feel sick to my stomach at lunch.... its so quiet... we don't do anything..... let me just say.... I'm not afraid to admit it..... we talked about peter the whole time.. the whole time..... geez.... it seriously felt like someone was poking a gaping wound.... I don't remember if it was good or bad stuff... I'm sure mostly bad..... but still. I have my disagreements with peter... I think when he was pissed off with me, he had some good reason for it.. but I think his attacks on my other friends were less called for.. so I'm not sure what I think.. when it first happened.... I wanted to impale him and stick him in front of SAA and SJ... probably with a nasty sign attached.... but the more I thought about it... and the more I watched my other friends contemplate their own means of revenge.... I just realized how immature this all is.... I'm not calling anyone immature... I'm calling everyone immature.... so that is just what I feel...
Stuff sucks..... (for most of us) its junior year... the homework is piling on.... we are almost in the second quarter... introduction to our classes has come to a halt and we are now expected to meet the call of our school work to get that education our parents are paying for.. we are all getting crushed.. we all want to snap... we need the help of others to keep the world from squashing us... its incredibly hard... let me take this in term of a metaphor (so I can express myself as I only can with bad metaphors) involving a video game (now I'm talking some people's vernacular)... its Zelda: Majora's Mask... its the games climax... the 4 giants are holding up the moon so it doesnt crush the world and kill everyone in a horrible bloody way.. uhm.. so think of it this way.... we are the giants... and we are all trying to support the moon (just the world in general) without getting crushed... the moon's getting heavier and some of the giants are like... poking eachother?? ok..this is just getting incredibly stupid..... we are supposed to work together... instead we are beating up on eachother.... it just seems ridiculous to me.. sorry for that metaphor.... cannot apologize enough
My Moon, World (ha.. the horror continues): I'm trying to juggle 2 articles, pre-cal, AP English (where I have not a flying fuck of a clue what's going on... nor do I really care), and various events requiring my responsiblity on my calendar. Every night... I write out a post-it of the next day's schedule... I stick in on my agenda book so I don't forget even the mundane tasks... which I seem to do really often.. what I wish... is that my accomplishments would make me happier.. when ever I seem to do something good.... its like... fantastic for the second.. but then its like... wait.... I have to go worry about this... no one else seems to care either... things I care about.... they get done... and the whole.... I don't know, meaning is gone? I wish I had more support in my life... I wish I did... instead of having my friends to help support my universe.... you guys have seemingly jumped up into my load... I love you all...... and I want to help you so badly... I would never think of turning my back on you.... but I am only so strong an individual..... I've been pulled so tight... any more pressure... I'm going to snap.... Newton does not lie my friends... seriously.... I just feel so warped right now.... my dad doesnt seem to give a rat's ass about my history test.... I told him.. its a 100... the only 100... the highest grade in the class, the highest grade in all her classes....it was a Strake A for god's sake. All he said..... was it an honors class? Nothing I do is good enough for anyone....everyone is so demanding and greedy...... I spend all my time working these days and sleeping.... yeah....i have been procrastinating a lot.. I watch a shitload of TV... I've lost devotion... in 7th grade... I would cry if I was up past 11.... I would cry until I finished what I was doing... in 8th grade, I would cry after 12.... I have not been to sleep before 12 once in more days than I could possibly count.... today I came home hungry.. had soup... the soup totally expanded.. I got sick and I ended up falling asleep for several hours... I'm glad Zoch canceled the test.... er.. moved it... I have to mention something barely related to that
In morality.. we have daily journal's that ms doyle just makes up, today's topic was: "how has god touched your life today?" and first of all... I dont really feel christian.... so anything good I'd have to say.. I wouldn't think of it as an act of god.. I wrote two things.. "My latin teacher moved our test... that maybe could be considered and act of god" and "at least one of my friends has left our group this week.... I don't know how it is an act of god except that if it was god.. he probably took him away so we (my friends) wouldn't rub of on him... but I don't see how that could be divine intervention... I feel I have lost a friend because I wasn't 'catholic' enough.... and that sucks divinely".. I swear to you thats what I wrote... I will probably get sent to ms miller and mr mcglaun.. and I will probably get at least one exorcism.... but I feel so small right now.... I just can't bear this....
About not being catholic at a catholic school: they say it doesn't matter on your application.. but thats really not true... and I realize that I have totally milked this being born catholic thing till the cow died... (sorry..these metaphors...they just get worse dont they??)... I don't think that anyone deserves not to be educated... no matter how non-catholic they are. There was talk of opinions that involved "having about half the school kicked out" or something along those lines.... if you kicked out non-catholics.... the school would be much smaller... and so close minded..... think about if everyone thought the same way... lived by the exact same priniciples... its already a war of the clone's at SAA... it doesn't need to resemble a Nazi like regime.... I understand that the individual who said this.. was probably referring to those other individuals... probably including me... that dishonor the catholic religion... the girl with the cookie like a host and stuff..... let me state some things about life, school, and being a teenager:
In these years you will experience most of the following: you will be really stressed out, you probably will contemplate suicide, you will fight with friends, your parents will suck at some point, you will enjoy breaking rules at some point-if not big...then, the very little, nothing you do will be good enough, there will always be someone riding your ass, you will say hundreds of things that you don't mean in thoase years, you will regret lots but not regret more, you only get one set of high school years (uh.. in normal cases), even though you are so freaked out and hormones have made you the psychological equivalent of a rabid cat: you are still expected of
You will be told many of the following: its not so bad, suck it up, its easy, I can't believe you thought ___ was hard, you are stupid, I hate you, you are immature, you are terrible, we aren't compatible, I don't like you that way, you aren't my type, get a job, but also, geez.. that was hard, i totally get where you are coming from, im here for you, lets help eachother out next time, you are so smart, I love you, you are so mature, you like...so get me, you have gone beyond my wildest expectations, im proud of you... and the list goes on
Being a teen sucks a lot.... but what I try to remember... these are my years of having wrinkle-free skin, no white hairs to worry about, and generally having a higher energy level ... when you are 30.. you will think.... where did the time go... I would give my first born to be 17 again.....you wont remember how much it sucked... or at least most of it... you will remember what totally rocked.... how great it was being young and alive.... so my goal is to live a thourough young life... where I regret as little as possible and live it up so much that I can't wait to settle down... I want it to give me a life time high so I dont have to look in the mirror and suffer withdrawl.... thats my goal... but ya.. whatever
I dont want to dismiss everything thats happening as normal..... these are the tragedies that are our lives.... we have gotten on eachothers nerves, lines have been crossed, cubans have snuck into florida, the whole shpeel... I just.... I can't understand why we can't be friends.... maybe I am incredibly naive... I have no idea whats going on.. all I know.... is my friend are fighting... they are at eachothers necks when they could be embracing? I may be acting to "opomistic" (im sorry... that typo was way to funny.. it sounds like a characteristic one gets from opium) but thats what I see.... I want one side to realize that they love their friends and they can't even deal with losing one... and the other side to realize that the lord's prayer says "we forgive those who trespass against us".... life's to short to fight. I guess, though, that some of you think we are best off seperated.... all I can think of is why we can't stop talking about the other side and that other side is off I don't know where but not with us.... so yeah....
I missed dharma & greg... merry meet that fucker.... oh well...... now I'm all peppy cause I have 4 hours of sleep on me... eh... it will pull be through my homework..... gosh this is long.. eep...
